Being Back Home--the end...for now

So I figure I should write one last e-mail.

I know I have been home for a week and I haven't written yet. Part of me just doesn't know what to write. I am doing ok. Some days are better than others and I find that the time I spend keeping busy is easier than the time I am sitting doing nothing. I miss the kids. I know that was expected but still that doesn't make the lump in my throat or this empty feeling go away. I'm not saying that I am not happy to be home with family and friends but it is something so much bigger than that.

I spent the last four months of my life spending every waking minute with these children and building myself a life on a different continent; A DIFFERENT CONTINENT; A place where they don't know starbucks. Fresh air doesn't exist because the stench of sewers fills the air, but somehow that fades into the background of the beauty of the country. A country where nearly 75% of the population wakes up at 4:30am. A place where the sun is so hot you can feel your skin sizzle a little bit when you leave the shade. A place where walking fast and rushing through life doesn't exist. A place where you can suck ice cream out of a plastic sachet.

Now I am back here. A bank on every corner. McDonalds just around the corner. Air conditioning that makes your fingers go numb while you are working. Suits and skirts are a must for work (with the exception of slacks). Sprinklers automatically water flowers at a certain time each day and washing machines wash clothes that can probably be worn a few more times. And its not that I don't like this or that I am criticizing the way we live but I am just expressing how different it is.

People keep asking me how I am adjusting and is it different to be home? To answer the questions it is HARD to adjust but I am doing it. There are times when I just cry and a lot of times it comes out of no where. I struggle every day with the differences of being home but I try my hardest to stay positive. I keep smiling and laughing because I know that is the only way to live your life. I am broken but growing in that. I am not afraid to feel sad and I am not afraid to scream and cry. But I won't let this control my life. I get up every morning at 5:30 take the 7am train to the city where I work hard to make money to go to school so that I can change the world. I make it back home at 6pm, eat dinner hang with a couple friends and go to sleep. Life goes on. I couldn't change leaving and I can't change being home so I might as well enjoy it.

I hope that by me writing these e-mails I have given you something that you didn't have before. Whether it is discomfort you have never felt before or a satisfaction that someone else feels the way you do. I will probably e-mail one more time about the fundraising I am going to be doing but it might not be for a little while.

My Last Week

I know that I haven't written since my last very upsetting e-mail so I thought that I would send out a happier one. This week has been hard, there is no doubt about it. I have watched my friends wrestle with what the witnessed on Saturday night and I have sat with some of them for hours without them talking. The counseling session that was held for the volunteers turned into people blaming people on who was to blame. There was a service held last night with all the volunteers but I couldn't bring myself to go. It took me four days to get it off of my mind and I just couldn't revisit it again. Anyway I promised you a happy e-mail so I am going to move away from this topic.

It is my last week in Ghana and I have been soaking up every minute of it. I don't sleep much because I want to spend my remaining hours awake so that the time will go slower. I have been running errands of things that I put off for the past four months and working on finalizing things with the older boys.

Leaving here might possibly be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. The boys aren't making it very easy either. Every time I see Kwesi he tells me that time is running and it makes me cringe. A couple of the boys called my mom and told her that I wasn't coming home and that I was staying here and that they were sorry but she couldn't have me back.

One of the boys told me that he couldn't say goodbye to me on Monday because he didn't want to cry. I tell them that we can't worry about me leaving until Monday but they still seem to bring it up. Okos told me that I did something here that no other volunteer has ever done before. I find it hard to believe but if it is true than that is a good feeling.

I know that I am not talking about anything important but this has been what my last few days has been like. I have helped one of my boys sell phone credit at the roadside. I have helped pack up a roadside stand and push a cart down the road to storage at 11pm. I have stayed outside everynight until at least 1am just looking at the stars and enjoying my last days.

My dinners are all planned out for the next four days as they were before I came to Ghana. Every day my twi becomes improved and more developed. I bought a shirt that said 100% Ghanaian. I had a conversation in twi with a taxi driver. Then he let me direct him to Labone Junction from the market on my own. That is a twenty-minute drive and I could show him the way by myself and so he told me that I was a black American and that I belonged in Ghana.

I took my fabric to the dress maker and I will pick up my dresses on Sunday. I am spending a lot of time with my friend David because right now he is the only one left that was here when I first arrived and one of few that was here when I moved into the orphanage. I'm trying to get in some last minute sun so that I can prove to you people that I was in Africa for 4 months and got a decent tan... haha.

This afternoon one of the boys is going to teach me how to carry things on my head.

I think this should be said as well: I am not terrified of coming home. I am terrified of leaving the children. I am so excited to come home and see my family and friends. So excited to go to Chipotle and Noodles and sleep in my hammock. I know that some of you are worried that I will hate home when I get there but the truth is I am not going to. Yes, it will be a hard adjustment but that is natural. I have never been good at change. Sometimes I will feel heartbroken and missing the kids. Sometimes I will be angry looking at the wealth in Glen Ellyn but that is something I have been preparing myself for since I arrived. I can't wait to drive my car with the windows down and the music turned up. I know that I will be back here. Maybe not for another year or so but I have complete confidence that this is not my last time to Ghana. Not to mention all the other adventures that I am going to be going on.

So I will say this to you. I get home on Tuesday afternoon around 4:00 (that is when I should be at my house). So stop by and say hello to me because that is what is going to get me through. Seeing my friends and family will make coming home worth it.

Tragic Story

This is not a good e-mail but I wanted to tell you before the media shares with you all.

Every month Projects Abroad holds a monthly party where all volunteers from all over Ghana come to Accra to eat food and have a good time. Every other month the party is held at the beach. Last night we had one of our monthly parties at the beach. I had decided not to attend the party and go to watch football matches instead. However, I received a phone call last night being informed that one of the volunteers drowned in the ocean. She was wading in the water at dusk with one of the male volunteers and the rip tide took her under. The boy then jumped in after her to try and save her but couldn't get to her. After making it to shore he informed everyone that there was someone with him and he was rushed to the hospital to get treatment. After searching for this girl an hour and a half she washed up on shore. She was rushed to the hospital but I think she was already dead when she washed up on shore. She was a volunteer from Kumasi (7 hours north of Accra) so I did not know her personally. She was 24 and had only been here one week.

As things stand I am sure the media is going to get swamped with this story in the next couple days and I did not want anyone to worry.

Everyone that was at the beach party is emotionally destroyed right now and our Projects Abroad staff are really struggling. I am doing ok, shocked, but ok. Thankfully I was not there and did not have to witness such an awful event but I am still shaken up a bit. Counselors are flying in from Britain tonight to talk to volunteers and staff and make sure that everyone is ok.

I just needed to tell you before the media did.

My Plan--read all of this!!

So I know that I haven't written in awhile and that was mainly because there has been so much going on but I wasn't planning on telling anyone until I got home and devised a plan. However, I feel that I should go ahead and prep you for my return home. I am leaving here in a week and a half and I can't even express how torn I am. The happiness of coming home to my family and friends but still having this terrible empty feeling when I think about leaving these kids.

One of the girls came up to me last night and told me that when I left she was going to cry and that it would pain her so much. I haven't connected with a lot of the girls but she is one of the few. The boys told me that I am not allowed to cry when I leave-- we'll see how that goes over.

Graduation is tomorrow and I will be missing it. It is going to be a very hard day for me when I realize that all of my friends back home are together celebrating.

So I might as well just jump right in:
I will be fundraising just over $51,500 when I return to Glen Ellyn. In the past week I have found out that 6 of the older boys will be getting kicked out of the orphanage due to the change in supervisor (the one who told me I was too small to be respected). With this money I will be funding food and a place to live for these six boys for the next four years until they can finish Senior High School. I know that this amount of money sounds ridiculous but I know that God will be faithful and will help me fund raise this money. This is my plan. A plan that is bigger than me and a plan that I was brought to Ghana to achieve. I fully believe that this is the reason I stayed the extra month and this is the reason that I was brought here in the first place.

There are so many details that I am not including in this e-mail simply for the fact that I am going to do this the formal way when I return home. I will be asking for donations and I am going to need your help. I will not be able to do this without the help of my family and friends. I hope that the fact that you have followed me on my journey up to this point will help.

So as of right now I do not want any donations. I am going to have biographies of all the boys when I return and I am going to be doing this in a way that is professional and gives you more information. I just thought I should let everyone know what has been going on here and why you haven't heard from me in so long.

I will e-mail again before I leave in the next week and half but right now I need prayers. Prayers that God will provide for these boys and will help me to achieve my goal. I am sorry that this e-mail is so vague. I promise that once my thoughts are organized you will know more.

Claire

P.S. Here is a funny story. Last night I was outside at the orphanage and it started to down pour so I ran to the social center thinking I could get in and walk through to my room. Turns out the social center was locked and so I stood under the canopy hoping the rain would stop. Well the rain kept coming and only got stronger. So strong in fact that the sewers flooded and I had to stand on a table so that I wouldn't be standing in sewage. I was there for about an hour. I was very very wet. That's all for now. I hope that made sense.

A Plan

Hello everyone,

This is going to be a very vague e-mail but....

I have a plan. A plan that is so much bigger than me.

It is the reason that I was brought here and the reason I stayed an extra month.

I can't do this alone and when I get home I am going to need everyone's help.

Pray that God provides for Kwesi and Edward (two of the boys at the home). I can't explain until I have more information.

I was sent here for a reason.

Kwesi looked me in the eyes last night and he said "Claire, there is something different about you. You are different than all the other volunteers that come here. You care so much about us and you can tell."

The wheels in my brain are spinning. I need an organized plan.

Being Sick Sucks

So I got sick on Friday night. I had a fever, a headache, and the shakes. I just felt like crap in general. I haven't been properly sick since I have been here and let me tell you I would prefer if it didn't happen again. I don't have a roommate and I certainly don't have my mom here. Going to sleep on Friday night knowing that I was sick was difficult. Luckily on Sat. morning I had one of my friends take care of me. He called me as soon as he woke up at 7 and told me that I needed to get up and go wait outside because he was going to come and pick me up in a cab to take me to the hospital. I spent 5 hours on Saturday getting tested for malaria. My friend sat with me the entire 5 hours we had to wait and then made sure I got both of my meals that day. Turns out I don't have malaria just an infection of some sort and so they gave me antibiotics and I have to go back on Wed. to pick up some test results. I am not feeling 100% but I am doing a lot better. I am so thankful that it wasn't malaria and thankful that I have such good friends here that they are watching out for me when I don't have parents to do that.

This past week has been hard and I think that is part of the reason I got sick. I need everyone back home to know that I am not staying longer cause I am running away from things back home but I am doing this because I think it is the right thing for me and the kids. Trust me, it is hard to be here sometimes. Knowing that I was supposed to be home by now is difficult when I hear stories about things going on at home. I miss home and I miss real showers and healthy food and not having to wear mosquito repellent everywhere I go. I am pressing on and the kids make it a lot easier on me. They can read me and they can tell when I am having a hard time. Having said all of this I do not regret my decision in staying. I am positive that this is where I should be even when I just want to be home.

I walked out of my guest house the other day and at the same time Edward (one of the older boys) was leaving the house and tears were just streaming down his face. He tried to cover up his tears by telling me that he had just woken up. He is 16 and is the smartest boy (as far as I can tell) at the home and shows the most potential. His parents abandoned him 10 years ago and he said that sometimes he just has this feeling of emptiness. That sometimes there is a sadness that comes over him that is so strong he can't push it away--no matter how hard he tries. He wants to become a lawyer and from there go into politics and change Ghana. He studies more than any of the boys and is so articulate. I am going to the U.S. Embassy to pick up a practice ACT book for him. He wants to go to University in America and I believe that he has the ability. I get so angry sometimes because I don't have the slightest idea how someone could abandon their child. I know that I don't know the story and maybe it was for the best but it breaks my heart to see Edward struggle with something like that; to think that he isn't good enough because his parents left him. It takes everything within me not to scream and kick holes through walls. I want to see him succeed and I know that he will, I wish his parents could see that too.

I have also made an executive decision that if you stuck a bunch of Ghanaian babies and a bunch of American babies in a room together with small objects the American babies would choke first. I have sat here for the past 3 months watching these kids shove stones, coins and beads into their mouth and not once have they choked. Maybe they are just lucky but somehow I think they might just be a little bit smarter. Survival of the fittest.

I am going to go now but I hope that you all know that I miss you guys back home and I will be so happy to see you.

Really Long

So I decided I should write to you guys about what living in the orphanage is like.

For starters, I am so exhausted. My body feels like it is still asleep and I am trying to drag it along. I guess we can start with my room.

My room is a good size, not enormous but big enough to hold a couch, dresser, coffee table, double bed and mini fridge. Also there is a toilet and shower that have running water....sometimes (as I discovered this morning). Still it is a lot better than before. I am out of toilet paper though so I need to go and buy some. I know that from my description my room sounds HUGE but it is all very close together. I am on the second floor of the guest house and I have two neighbors (I already knew them). One is a pastor and his wife and kids. Then the other is a young man (Ghanaian) that is living there and I think working at the orphanage part time?? Who knows. Anyway, back to the room: I am on the corner of the house so I have to walls that have windows on them. No sign of cockroaches yet and hopefully there will never be any. My mini fridge is amazing because I am now having to supply my own water sachets.
How I am feeling about it: The room is lonely to be honest. I think it is just going to take some getting used to. I feel very safe but it is still very different from living with a family. My friend Edwin (a volunteer that sleeps at the orphanage sometimes) has been keeping me good company. He has helped me be creative in setting up my mosquito netting because there was no hook on the ceiling. My first night I slept horrible. There was a huge storm and so I couldn't sleep and normally when this happens I have a roommate to talk to but instead I called home and talked to my brother for a decent amount of time. Fell asleep at 3:30am and got up at 6:30. There is something unique about living at the orphanage though. Yesterday I walked out of the house at 7am and all the kids were getting ready for school. They all ran up to me and were so happy to see me which was refreshing. I then walked out to the road with Edwin to find some porridge (tasted sweet) and some bread (that was fried like a donut...very good). I sat with Alfred (one of the boys that now has a job at the roadside) and I shared my porridge with him and Edwin.

I went back in and helped out with the babies for a little while and then the toddlers like I normally do. I only ended up leaving for an hour yesterday until the night but it felt nice. A lot of the older boys are at the home during the day now because they just finished their exams and are waiting 5 months before they go back to school. Having them around during the day makes a big difference and I am also helping of the boys with his English. He is not attending school right now because his mother told him that she was going to come back (and the home doesn't want to have to leave school) so they just never enrolled him. Last night I took one of my old roommates to the airport and then went back to the home where all the boys were waiting up for me. I actually got a phone call while I was gone and it was Yakubu asking me where I was and when I was going to be home. I have more parents at the orphanage than I did at my host house. All the little boys came out and said goodnight to me before they went to sleep and told me they would see me in the morning before school. As I was falling asleep last night I could hear someone yelling my name in my window.

This morning I was out of my room by 7am and hung around for a little with some of the little boys. They had an empty suitcase that they were playing with and so I showed them how I could fit inside of it (they thought that was pretty funny). Then two of the boys (Junior and Yao (older Yao)) sat in the suitcase next to each other and I rolled them around the compound as they pretended they were flying. Once I was done with that I felt pretty useless and so I asked one of the Aunties if I could help out with anything and so she gave me a lot of different chores. I helped serve the kids breakfast (porridge and bread). I helped clean the dishes from breakfast. I helped feed one of the special needs kids and cleaned him up. Then finally I got to watch how the little boys get ready for school and remind them of anything they had forgotten. They are trying to teach them how to get ready on their own and so they just watch them and tell them steps they miss. All the things they need to do are: button up the uniform and tuck it in properly, make sure the collar is in the right position, rub oil on their skin and hair (not sure why), brush their hair, eat their breakfast, get their biscuits, pick up their lunch, take medicine (if they have it), and then get their books and walk to school. They are definitely taught with tough love but it clearly works.

I am good and I am happy but it is very different. I am tired and worn out. I get lonely and find that I am using more phone credit than I ever did living in my host house. I love being with the kids at all times and they love me being there. It is going to take some getting used to but it is overall good. As for food-- I will buy street food and try and limit my spending.

Sorry this is so long.

Living At Osu Children's Home

It has been awhile. Things have been going well. As of yesterday I am officially moved into Osu Children's Home. It was a weird feeling yesterday morning when I had to pack up all of my things but not go home. I am happy I am staying here for another month but part of me just misses home so much.

On Sunday I went to three football matches. Cantonments (a football club here) was playing their rival team. I can't remember if I told you guys that my friend is the co-manager of Cantonments and so I have ended up going to most of the matches. Five minutes before the under 12 match began it started to pour rain but they continued to play anyway. The under 12's won 6-0. During that match I ran home and grabbed my sweatshirt (yes my sweatshirt, I was so happy) and by the time I was back the under 14's were about to start. The under 14's won 2-0 and then finally the under 17's won their match 2-1. I sat out in the pouring rain all day cheering on these amazing players and had the best time. Days like Sunday make me want to stay here for a lot longer. Professional football is cool but it is nothing compared to these kids. Professional players are supposed to be good but kids this young are not always expected to be this talented.

Now back to moving into the orphanage. I was really lonely yesterday when I first moved my things in but by the end of the day I was feeling better. Waking up this morning with the kids already there was a great feeling and I love being at the orphanage 24/7. I will tell you more about moving in later but I just can't think right now. Hope all is well. I would really appreciate e-mails for the next month because I think this could be my hardest month here in Ghana.

Sad Note

This week has been going pretty well. I was feeling really sick on Monday so I just stayed in the house the whole day because I didn't want to make it worse.

I was feeling much better by yesterday but I am still really tired.

I slept past my alarm this morning---the first time since I have been in Ghana. I can tell that I am getting comfortable here. haha

On a sad note. One of my babies seems to be wasting away. His name is Yoa (Yow). I was here his first day in the orphanage and I instantly fell in love with him. He was so unhappy when he came but he is starting to be a little more cheerful. He has these little pouty lips and I can spend hours trying to make him smile. When he first got here he was a little bit chubby (as babies should be). Now his knees are bigger than his thighs and his heels are bigger than his ankles. His face is thinning out and his arms seem like they could break at any moment. When I hold him he clings on so tight that I don't even need to use my arms to hold him up. When I set him down he will cry for hours (not an exaggeration). I have noticed him losing weight and I kept telling the other volunteers but they said that he was ok and that the Aunties would notice if he actually was. Now they notice and when they asked the Aunties about it the aunties told them that he is losing so much weight because we give him too much attention. His is literally wasting away before my eyes and I don't know what to do to stop it.

I found out about one of the little boys Emmanuel. His father is in jail because he used to beat Emmanuel half to death. Sometimes it is easier not to know the stories of these kids but I feel that they need to be heard.

There are two twins named Akoko (yes she has my nickname as a real name) and Aquilly. They were found tied to a tree outside their house. They had developed their own language to communicate to each other but now they barely talk to each other.

I can't write anymore.

Let's Go Home Claire

Just a short update:

This weekend has been about hanging around Accra, I really needed it. Friday night I got stuck out in a rainstorm trying to get a taxi home. Very wet.

Yesterday I went to a football match over at Cantonments (an area of Accra). My friend David is the manager of the football club and a few of my boys happened to show up to the football pitch to watch the game. After the game I said bye to my boys and went to go leave with my roommate Rhona and David. As I was leaving the pitch one of the boys came over to me and just said Claire I am tired lets go home. I just started laughing and said Kwesi (his name) I don't live here yet. I think he was sad that I didn't end up going back to the orphanage but I will see him tomorrow.

Today I spent the day at the pool relaxing, it was needed. I am so excited for the week to start up again. I love the week. That is all for now.

Been Awhile

I am sorry that I haven't very good about writing lately. I know this may amaze some of you but I just find myself at lack of words. I don't want to repeat myself and I just feel like a lot of what I am doing now is things I have done before. Yet I am still learning something new everyday.


I don't know if I have told all of you but I am not coming home on May 13th. I will actually be home on June 10th. This really is the best thing for me and I hope that you all understand.


Come May 13th I am moving into the orphanage to live with the kids. They have a guest room that I will be living in and they are cutting my price down in half because they like me and don't want me to have to pay the full amount. While I am there I will spend 24/7 with the kids...... That makes me really nervous and so I have been talking to a couple of my friends and they have been telling me that I am going to make sure I still go out and have time for myself. So the plan is that they are going to force me to leave every night even if I say that I don't want to go out--- that way I will have some time to unwind and be with friends.

Another thing is that I am going to have to find my own food. I will be heading straight for the 40 pesewa rice and stew!! I am also a little worried about getting lonely in a room on my own but I have a feeling that the kids are always going to be around. I am very excited but a little nervous at the same time. Everything about this time here in Ghana has been something I have had to adapt to.

I know that a lot of you are wondering about the new supervisor and whether or not I am able to work with the older boys. The good news is that I can still work with the older boys. I talked to Auntie Agnus (one step below the new supervisor) and she told me that not listen to what she said because she doesn't technically take over until the end of June. She also told me that the new supervisor had no idea what she was talking about because Agnus has seen me with the boys and finds that they respect me more than most of the adults at the home.

The past week has brought a lot of painful news that slapped me in the face and reminded me that I am still in Ghana. One of my babies Ado was found HIV positive. I learned that one of the special needs kids was sexually molested by his father before coming to the home. Another one of the babies has started to vomit blood and they have no idea what is wrong with him. I learned that my toddler Efia was raped before she came to the home and is still recovering from her operation that was in October. Victor's sickness is getting worse and they are almost positive that he has liver disease. His feet are so swollen that he can barely walk.

I know that those are just words in an e-mail and it can't even begin to describe the absolute heartache I feel when I think about these things. Each of these children have a unique personality that separates them from the rest. Obviously this is common sense but I don't want you all to forget that. Each child has their individual hidden scars and stories that they just want to move past. Each child has something that they fear and a favorite food. They have hobbies and a favorite color. Some of them are picky eaters and some of them are ADHD. I wish I could show you each of their different personalities but it turns out that there is no way to express it.

I celebrated my graduation of high school yesterday with all of the kids from form 3. They finished exams last Friday and had a party yesterday at the orphanage. There was music and dancing and they told me that this was not only a party for them but for me because I am going to miss my graduation. It was great to meet some of the boys' school friends and they all laughed at me as I tried to dance.

Waterfalls

Well I will try and explain this weekend to you as best as I can.

I decided that after a crazy week in Accra I needed to take a break. A good friend of mine left on Friday night and so me and a few other girls took a trip to the Wli Falls, which is East of Accra in the Volta Region. It is a four and a half hour tro journey and it was pretty decent until a woman got sick all over the tro. I luckily was not hit by the vomit and managed to keep myself on the tro and not jump out the window. Man am I being tested. She spent the rest of the tro ride puking out the window and I spent the rest of the tro ride with my Ipod on full volume shaking trying not to flip out more than I was. I think I did pretty good.
Finally we get to this village called Hohoe and is about 30 minutes away from the Wli Falls. No one is cooperating in helping us find our way to the falls--trying to rip us off or just be crazy. On the tro to the waterfalls I hit my head and cut it open on the top of the tro. Get to waterfalls only to see that the people we were meeting up with (they left 4 hours before us) were not there yet and our phones didn't work so we couldn't find them. Luckily when we got to the waterfall lodge to check in they were there (tro tro problems took them an extra 4 hours).
As we headed out for out 45-minute walk through the rainforest to the falls we realize that there is a school trip there and a million kids (not peaceful at all). At the entrance to the rainforest there is a woman puking her guts out (puke # 2 of the day).

We walk 45 minutes into the rainforest thinking that we are seeing most people coming out but there are still about 100 kids there when we make it. The bats are out and flying everywhere. Even with all of the people it was somehow a serene atmosphere. I can't even explain it but the people faded away and all that was there was this beautiful waterfall in front of us with a rainbow and the rainforest all around us.
We waited about an hour for all the people to leave and hung out in the water for awhile. I got in the water and walked towards where the waterfall met the water below and I have never had a sensation like that. The force of the water and wind was pushing me backwards. It was the most amazing feeling. It knocked me down a few times and I tripped over a few rocks but it was all-good. Then we looked at the time and realized it was going to get dark in about an hour so we should head back. Well as we were walking back it started raining-then thundering-then lightning-then pitch black. We were running through the rainforest in the dark with bats flying everywhere and bugs flying at our face. I was cold because I fell in the water with all my clothes on and the temperature had dropped from the weather. My bug spray got washed off and so I was being eaten alive by mosquitoes. Finally we made it out of the rainforest but only to discover that the trees no longer blocked the rain and that the power was out.
We tried walking back to the lodge with the light of our phones but I was the only one with flip-flops (forgot my gym shoes). My feet were sinking in the mud and I had to pee so badly that I couldn't walk. I didn't bring enough clothes for the weekend so I had to improvise with a towel. It was too cold outside to shower so I was muddy from my feet all the way up to my knees. Didn't sleep that night and got up the next morning to go to the falls so that we could experience it without all the people but still in the daylight.
While we are eating breakfast it starts pouring again and so we can't go to the falls. It rains all morning and shows not signs of stopping so we got a tro to hohoe so then we could get the 4 1/2 hour tro to Accra. Once in Hohoe it was still pouring rain and we were hungry from lack of food. I bought a loaf of bread and ate the whole thing and we waited for an hour for a tro to fill up so that it would head back to Accra. On our way back from Accra the immigration police stopped us. Keep in mind that we don't carry our passports when we travel in the country because we don't want them to get stolen. I had switched bags so I didn't have my volunteer badge either.
They pulled us 5 Obruni's aside but let everyone else go and told us that if we didn't have our passport or volunteer id that we would not be able to go further. Bettina and I were the two that had neither and the told us that we couldn't go back to Accra until they had our passports. I just started laughing because I didn't even know what to do. Then after 5 minutes the immigration officers start cracking up and tell us that they are joking and to go back and get on the tro.......that was not a funny joke.
Get back to Accra and get lost in Accra. Accra is flooded. Our street is flooded and is now a mud river. Get home to realize that our host family has been gone all day and there is no dinner. What a weekend. But this is what I will say. Despite everything that went wrong I was happy. I was traveling with volunteers I truly enjoyed and I couldn't do anything but laugh. I think one thing I have learned here in Ghana is that if you don't laugh about things that happen you just won't make it through.
Suck it up and keep going. I was faced with cockroaches; throw up, lightning, mud, a cut head, horrible rain yet I was in a good mood. We are going back to the waterfalls a different weekend. We never got to experience the real thing. I will send pictures soon. I am sorry this is so jumbled and not organized. It is basically my thoughts thrown up on a page...... That is all for now! Hope you had a great weekend!! :)

Hard Day

I am not sure if I have had a more discouraging morning since I have been here.

There is a new supervisor at the orphanage. The government moved Auntie Helena to a different area in Ghana. The new supervisor has decided that she doesn't think I am old enough or big enough to work with the older boys. She told me that she doesn't think that I am big enough to be respected. When I told her that I had been working with them for the past two months she laughed in my face and said that it must have been a mistake. I tried telling her that they do respect me and that I am nothing but a good influence on them but she didn't seem to believe me. I literally begged her to let me stay working with them and she told me that unless she talked to the boys and felt that they respected me that I was not allowed to talk with them. Even after talking with them she will have to think about it.

I can't even express how horrible I am feeling right now. Having someone tell me that I am too small to be respected is a terrible feeling. Especially when I know that the boys do respect me.

I found out yesterday that one of my toddlers Grace has AIDS. She is not being treated.

But even through all of this I have to believe that God is always good.

Someone was wondering what it would be like when I came home and wanted to know how I think I will handle it. I am not going to lie to myself and say that it will be easy. I know that I am going to struggle but I also know that I have people at home who love me and are going to be there to support me. Leaving these kids is going to be next to impossible but I know that I can get through it. I will be so thankful for a real bed and shower. I will be at loss of words and maybe a little frustrated that I can't explain all of this to everyone as well as I can remember it. I am scared to come home but I know that I will be back here at some point.

Even in my hardest moments here in Ghana I have people supporting me. One of my friends and I are going out to lunch today so that he can talk me through this. I am ok. Things will work out. I know that one of my favorite quotes is always true : Everything will be alright in the end; if it is not alright it is not the end.

Lack of Words

So I feel like I need to clarify. While having my parents and Lizz here was harder than I thought it would be it was still amazing and I am so thankful that they were able to come out here and see me. I think that writing that e-mail when I was tired made it sound as if I didn't appreciate them being here which is not true at all.

Being back with the kids has been great, just what I need. A week off really rejuvenated me and gave me a whole new energy. Missing those kids like I did when my parents were there made me regain patience.

The past two days were extremely hot but then last night it rained. No, not just rained, it poured!! I was actually scared by how much it was raining. It is funny how things that wouldn't scare you at home simply scare you because you are in a different place.

I wish I could explain how good everything is here. I feel like lately I have just been at lack of words, which is why I haven't been e-mailing as much. Is there anything you haven't heard about lately that you want to know more about?

Family Visits

I am sorry that it has been so long since I have written but I have been super busy with my family being in.

Having my parents and Lizz (a friend of mine for those of you who don't know) was good but very hard at the same time. I thought that it was going to be a really nice break and showering all the time combined with good quality time. Don't get me wrong there was showering and good quality time spent but a lot of hard things as well.

The jump between my routine and hotel life was very difficult.

The temperature changes to their toll on me- from air conditioning to 105 degree heat it made me feel a little sick.

Finally having a clean body but having to put on my same dirty clothes.

Finally getting western food but feeling sick after each meal because my stomach was not used to the change yet.

Having a nice bed to sleep in but still having the same cockroach dreams.

Being with my parents and Lizz but being in Ghana where I had a life that was put on hold.

It was also the first time I was taking a block of time off from the kids, they weren't too happy. I planned on taking Tuesday-Sunday off but ended up going in Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sat. It was too hard to be away from them....can't wait to come home!! :) haha I will be ok after a little bit

We planned on traveling a lot but ended up spending most of our time in Accra and Kokrobite (a beach 45 minutes outside of the city). Traveling was just too much for me. I will travel eventually but I felt overwhelmed by the idea of going all the way out to Cape Coast by tro tro with my parents.

Other random things I got to do while my parents were here:

souvenir shop
wash my clothes in the bathtub of the hotel
show off my tan to some pale obrunis
take a taxi most places (the tro tro's were hard to take with 4 people)
ride a horse down the beach
watch baseball at Champs (a local sports bar)
make a college decision----Northeastern University in Boston

There was a lot of card playing and a lot of winning (on my part). There was a lot of swimming in the pool and laughing. It was great to have my family out here. Today I am feeling more homesick than I have since I got here but I was expecting it. I had an empty house to go home to since my roommates were traveling. I am about to go to a football match to get out and about but I will write again soon. I am a little tired seeing as I have been up since 5am. Love you guys,

It Has Been Awhile

So I wrote an extremely long e-mail and then it just got deleted so I am going to try and remember all that I wanted to say.
Yesterday I took my housemates to the orphanage at night and I had a really hard time with it. After the initial excitement of all the kids seeing me they ignored me and only talked to my roommates. It sounds really selfish but I just want to explain it. I spend every day with these kids; morning until night. IT IS HARD and draining. I see the good bad and the ugly. I get hit, spit on, peed on, pooped on, and kicked.

I have to break up fights and take care of these kids when they are sick and snotting all over my clothing. I have to help them when they are crying non-stop or when they cut their foot on glass. These kids also get angry at me very often. They have such trust issues that the littlest thing can push them over the edge. If one of the boys wants to use my phone and I tell him to wait because my parents are about to call he takes it personally and won't talk to me.Then I get my housemates who get to come and only get the good side of them. They get to get loved on and hugged and then go home and not come back until they want. I stood there alone as the kids swarmed them and I do understand but it was so hard for me.

As I was leaving one of the boys Emmanuel walked up to me and grabbed my hand. He just looked at me and said, "Don't be sad that we weren't talking to you because we know that tomorrow morning you will be here to see us and they will not". That is all that I needed to hear and the funny thing was that I wasn't acting sad or angry. I was still smiling and laughing because no good comes of showing that you are upset when you’re around these kids. But he knew that inside I was feeling down.

I have been spending a lot of time at the pitch (the football field). The boys have been on a funny school schedule because they were finishing up their final exams and so they would take me to their school (next to the pitch) and introduce me to all of their friends. Seth always jokes around with me by saying everyone in Labodi (part of Accra I live in) knows Claire. I really have made a lot of friends here, which is a good feeling.

My friend David works at the pitch because he is a manager of a football club. His co-manager, Rama, has convinced me to play for their girls football team. I told him that I am very bad at football but he just laughed and said don't be embarrassed most of the girls are not very good and I'll teach you. He is a really nice guy but I don't think he realizes what he has just gotten himself into.

Leaving the orphanage for a full week is going to be hard. I am so excited for my parents and Lizz to come but it will be challenging to take that much time away from the kids. Everything else is good. I am not sure when I will write next because my family comes Sunday!!!!

Where I Need to Be

So I have been thinking lately about how strange it is here. I have developed a life here. I have my friends, places I hang out, and my own routine. It is such a good feeling to be so independent. You are forced to figure things out and if you don't then you just deal with it. I am loving it here and am learning a lot about myself.

I have been trying soooo hard to separate myself from the other volunteers because then it will be one less thing I have to say goodbye to but I can't do it anymore. I am just getting along with some of them so well. Whatever happens happens and I am not going to worry about the future and saying goodbye.

This is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I need to be doing something new and exciting. University is going to be focused on cultural studies and photography so that I can use that in some way to do this.

I don't have much else to say. Things are the same and that is good. I am growing and learning. I thought I knew a lot before I came here but I was wrong. 1 week until my parents come! I know that I made the right decision coming here. I am where I need to be for both myself and these children. I am ready for whatever life has in store for me.

Cut Knees and Urine Feet

I know that it has been quite awhile since I have written but I will shoot a short one out right now.

I love my two new roommates. They are both British and very down to earth. Their names are Hayley and Khadija. We really get along and I am a little nervous about getting a fourth roommate next week because right now things are sooo great. I am sure it will be good there is just that nervous tension before you meet them.

There have been a lot of new volunteers coming and I have been getting along with them a lot more than I did with the previous ones. Not that I didn't enjoy the other ones but these volunteers treat me as a peer vs. the youngest volunteer of the bunch. I have been spending some time with this volunteer named Charlotte and last night when we met up she walked up to me and started screaming. This whole time we have been hanging out she thought I was about 23 and she had just found out that I am 17. It was a pretty funny reaction and everyone was laughing pretty hard. It is a different dynamic with these new volunteers. A good dynamic though.

The orphanage is good. I have still been spending my days there. Yesterday I didn't have the best day. A little baby was standing over my feet in the morning and she let loose and urinated all over my feet (so attractive...the smell of urine). Then in the afternoon I was feeling pretty sick cause I hadn't been drinking enough water and so I went to go by a sachet from the little boys house. As I was walking back I fell down the stairs and face planted into the ground. I cut up me knees pretty badly. I walked back to where we were playing Monopoly and I had mud and blood all over my knees and I was too exhausted to bother cleaning them but one of the boys ran off and came back with some paper towels and cleaned my cuts for me (so sweet). This morning when I went in Moses was walking to school and he ran up to me to see how my knees were doing.

Other than that nothing is really new. Life is good. God is good. 1 Week until my parents and Lizz come. I can't wait!! I think I might be catching a cold from one of the toddlers.......I hope not!!! That's all for now.

You're Invited

Hello there,

So I am all alone with no housemates. Well.....until tonight.

This morning I went to the orphanage by myself without Claire and it was weird. She started there at the same time I did so it was strange to be going by myself with all the crazy little toddlers.

This morning they were actually fairly calm. I love the feeling of walking in the gates and having little children run at your legs grinning ear to ear. You know that you are wanted.

I helped one of the Aunties wash clothing this morning. She was laughing at me because I am a lot slower than her. There was something about scrubbing dirty clothes of little children that was very serene. It seems crazy but it was nice.

Oh yeah!!! It poured rain yesterday. I haven't seen it rain that hard since I was in El Salvador last summer. It was just sheets of water pouring from the sky. All the windows in my room were open so the layers of dust were then turned into layers of mud. Gross!

I got my room cleaned for the first time in six weeks today. My sleeping has been getting a lot better.

We have a new toddler at the toddler house. His name is Kofi. He cries too much.

The little boy Samuel that I told you about last week has been getting a lot better. He has made some friends with the boys and it is nice to see them treat him with respect.

The new thing for all of the boys to do is offer me their food. They always say..... You're invited. That basically means that I have to come and take at least one bite of food from their plate. They eat with their hands and my hands are always so dirty so I feel gross but I eat still because it is rude to decline.

I am loving every minute here. Still learning names but I think I probably have around 70-80 names down. I don't know how you teachers do it!!!!!!

I eat too much rice. This is all I have to say for now.

Malaria Attacks

This is not going to be a very long e-mail, well at least I am not planning on it being very long.

I am in the Internet cafe this morning trying to upload photos on facebook because I spent 3 hours yesterday trying and they never worked.

Things here are good. I am so happy and the more time I spend here the more I feel wanted here as well. I was on my break on Friday afternoon and I got a phone call from one of the boys. He was using one of the Aunties phones and he asked me where I was. I told him I was on my break and then he told me that I needed to find him when I came back because he wanted to play Monopoly with me again. I was so happy that I was actually being looked for to come back to the orphanage.

Moses has malaria and so does one of the volunteers. For the past week I noticed that Moses had been quiet and not running around as much. I as really worried but he still seemed happy and was smiling a lot. Once I found out that he had malaria I found it amazing that even though he was so sick he was still the happiest child in the orphanage. I am really worried about malaria. I wasn't worried before I came but I found out here that there is a lot of vomiting that goes along with it. The mosquitoes have been getting a lot worse and I am just hoping that I am being careful enough that I miss out on that great experience. haha

My roommate left yesterday to go travel Ghana for two weeks and my other house mate Claire leaves today to go back to Britain. I get two new housemates tomorrow and then another roommate in a week. All is well here.

Don't Fight

The past day has been really good but also very sad. I have spent a lot of time with the older boys working on fractions (haven't done that in awhile). Then last night I played Monopoly with some of the boys and WON might I add. They have really strange rules to the game, which makes it go a lot quicker (more fun too)! The boys have this balcony in their house that is open and so we played the game up there. One of the little boys was up there with us as well and while we weren't looking he decided to poop on the floor and then smear it around a bit. Alfred was really nice because when I got up to go clean it up he told me not to worry about it. He said that I shouldn't have to clean poop up in the morning and in the afternoon so he went and cleaned it up for me.

There is a boy named Dennis; although now that I am saying that he isn't really a boy. He is just out of Senior High and is volunteering at the home. He is Ghanaian and is helping me tutor the boys. He is working on studying for the SAT because he wants to attend University in the United States. It has been really rewarding getting to know him because he is so ambitious and at times I feel lazy when I talk with him. He is taking his subject tests in May and is working on applying to Penn. He is AMAZING at physics and so I let him work on science with the boys and I stick to the basics.

This morning I was struggling with the little ones. The 2-5 year olds are between terms and so have been off school for the past week. On a normal day I deal with about 10 toddlers that are either too sick or too weak to go to school. However, when the other kids are off school I am in charge of them too. That means that this past week I have been in charge of 30 2-5 year olds. The boys ages 6-10 are off of school as well and so this morning we were on the playground and I was spending some time with them as well. In order for this story to make sense to you I have to go off on a tangent about the new boy Samuel.

Samuel I believe is about 6 and he came to the home 3 days ago. I was leaving the toddler house when I met him for the first time. He was standing at the gate of the orphanage sobbing with no one around. I walked up to him and got down on my knees to talk to him and he just wrapped his arms around my neck and cried. I didn't know why he was crying at by that point I didn't even know he was new. I got him calmed down and walked him back over to the little boy house and that is when they told me he was new. They got him some food and I left to take my break before coming back in the afternoon. Since then every day when I come in the home he walks beside me without saying a word. He will hug me and stand by me but he doesn't speak any English. So getting back to today's story......

I was at the playground with some of the younger boys and I looked over as one of the boys picked up a rock and smacked Samuel across the head with it. He managed to cut the side of his head and there was quite a good amount of blood. I grabbed the little boy by the arm and dragged him back to the house for the older boys to watch him while I cleaned up Samuel. After I got him all cleaned up I took made sure the Auntie knew what he had done. Then I went back to the playground with Samuel and two other boys hit him across the back and poured dirt down the back of his shirt. I went over and grabbed them by the shirt and asked them what the thought they were doing. They told me that he was stealing their food.

He LIVES THERE! He is not stealing their food but he lives there and has to eat. He doesn't want to be living there but he has no choice. It took everything within me not to start crying. They were being so cruel when all this boy needs is a friend. I was shattered and went to find one of the older boys and explained to him what was happening. He took all three boys in a room and yelled at them and explained to them that it was not acceptable to treat him that way. While they were getting yelled at I brushed the dirt off Samuel and picked him up off the ground. Another little boy walked over to Samuel with a toy car and handed it to him. They sat there and played together for the next hour or so.

I struggle with how mean these children can be to each other. I now understand why it was so hard for my parents to watch me and my brothers fight. These kids need to support each other because they are all each other have. I spent the rest of the morning with the babies to keep myself from going off the deep end. My house mate Claire leaves on Monday and my roommate Amy leaves to go traveling for two weeks on Sunday and then will leave when she gets back. I will have new roommates soon and so that should be an experience. I fall more in love with these kids each day. I become less grossed out my their slobber, spit, poop, and snot. I love to kiss and hug them and make them smile. I love it here. I hope that you all enjoyed this email!!!!!!

Easter Sunday

I am so tired that my arms can barely type this e-mail. I did get a lot of sleep last night and my sleep has been getting better. It was a four day weekend for everyone in Ghana this past weekend but I spent 3 out of the 4 days at the home. I am trying to remember when I last e-mailed and I believe that it was Sat.

Saturday I spent with my friend Jessie at the pool and then I went to watch her band practice. She plays the trumpet and met all these Ghanaians that she now plays in a band with. They are all very nice and fun to be with.

Sunday was Easter and the Easter service was good but not the same as our church service back home. I missed playing my cello to Hallelujah chorus and listening to Lillian's sermon. But church was still good. About four of the boys went with me to the actual service and then I spent time with them all after church was finished.

Sunday afternoon one of my roommates and I went out for lunch and then that afternoon we had a party with our host family. It was our Grandma's 90th Birthday party. She turned 90 on December 29th but didn't want to celebrate it until Easter because she said that God was the only reason she was still on this earth and so she wanted to throw a party in his honor. It started at about 3 and went until 6. For those three hours it was painful. We all sat in a circle (me, my roommate, and a lot of strangers). No one was really talking and we weren't allowed to cross our legs because that is considered inappropriate to do in front of your elders. There was plantain chips, peanuts, spring rolls, meat rolls (mystery meat), and then a really really really spicy porridge with some sketchy meat in it before we even got to the main course.

Once the main course came it was fine, people started to talk a little bit and that food was amazing. I had Jollof rice, fried rice, chicken, and beef with sauteed onions and peppers. Maybe the best meal I have had since I have been here. I was so tired that I just went in my room and fell asleep for about an hour when I woke up to music blasting. All of the elders had left and the nieces and nephews of my host family were there cleaning up- aka having a huge party. They were dancing, singing, and laughing. It actually reminded me a lot of what our family parties are like.

I left my room to see what was going on and then went to talk to Claire the only other roommate that was home this weekend. She is very shy and so didn't want to leave her room but I was feeling a little sad that I was missing out on all the fun so I went out on the back porch and danced with them until I couldn't even move. I sweat through all of my clothes and was disgusting but for the first time since I have been here I feel like I connected with my host family.

They were laughing at me as they were trying to show me how to dance. I swear that when they left the womb they were dancing. It reminded me of the way the girls in Zambia danced. The hips just out of control. The uncle was trying to show me the basics and then how to spice it up. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. But I was so happy. My sister Sheila was just hugging me and laughing with me. I felt so sad for my roommate Claire who didn't want to leave the room. I need that bond with people, without it I just feel helpless.

Monday I went on a picnic with the church I have been attending and all of the older boys went as well. It was at a Jr. High and there was dancing, music, food, sports, and fun. It was such good fellowship and I had such a great time. A lot of the girls were trying to teach me how to play this stomping game but I wasn't very good. There was basketball, ping pong, tennis, volleyball, football (soccer), card playing, and dancing. The pastor of the church was wearing a Sox hat and he told me that he had just been living in Naperville for 2 months and he got the hat when he was there. :) We talked about how that was my team and how I miss all my players terribly. He was laughing and we talked for a little while.

I have so much more to say but I will stop for now because I could keep writing forever. I hope that this was a good taste of my wonderful Easter weekend. I have some very big decisions to make coming up including when I am coming home and what college I am going to attend. That is what I need you to be praying for. E-mail me and tell me how things back home are!! I haven't heard from some of you in a loooooong time or at all. I miss hearing from you.

Being Honest

Sorry that it has been a few days since I have e-mailed last. Things here are pretty crazy and yet relaxed at the same time.

We have started to discipline the toddlers in the morning now--that is stressful--but necessary. Every time they hit another kid or me I pick them up and hold them in the corner. Personally, I think that for them that is worse than being hit. They are used to getting hit but holding them in a corner where they can't move tortures them; of course we don't keep them there for a long time, they are only toddlers. We probably end up holding them there for about 45 seconds to a minute but they absolutely hate it. It has been working well and the Aunties are really open to trying new ways of discipline. There is this one boy Kojo who always bites the other kids and at the beginning of our time in the morning I take him in the corner once every few minutes but by the end he has shaped up.

The kids had off yesterday for Good Friday and then they also have Monday off because the Easter celebration here is intense (so I hear). Yesterday was a really frustrating and hard day for me. I wasn't planning on sharing this but I think it needs to be said. On Thursday night one of my friends got robbed. He was taking a taxi home and a car stopped in front of him. Eight men got out of the car (one with crowbar and another with a knife) and robbed him. They didn't hurt him in any way but they took his phone, money, and ATM card (he had just gotten money out of the bank).

This really scared me. I spent the whole day yesterday just struggling to get through the day. I found myself very homesick and wanting the luxuries of home. I was unsettled all day. The kids even noticed. One of the boys asked me why I was so sad and I just explained to him that sometimes it is hard being so far from home. We ended up talking for a long time and he cheered me up but I still felt uneasy. I went home last night for dinner and didn't want to go out again. I had told a couple people that I would go out with them but I just didn't feel right and told them I was in a weird mood and didn't want to go. But one of my friends, Lara, decided that I couldn't stay in. She told me that if I was feeling sad and upset that I needed to go out because it would just get worse staying in. So she came to my house and got me and decided that we needed to have a night of just Western fun (as close as we could get).

We ended up going to this place where you could rent out a room that had a TV and DVD player and movies to choose from. The rooms were air conditioned by a space heater (or cooler) and they had a couch. This is Ghana's version of a movie theatre. So five of us ended up watching Hairspray in the room and it really brought me out of my fog. Things aren't always easy here. I know that you know that, and I know I say it quite often but sometimes they are just harder than I know how to handle. I am lucky that Lara was such a good friend and came and got me out of the house.

Keep in mind that I did not tell this story to you to scare you or for you to worry about me but to be honest. I need prayers here and so do the other volunteers. I am very smart and never take a bag out at night but this doesn't mean that I am always %100 safe. I need prayers to be able to pull myself out of those occasional moods I find myself in.

On the bright side one of the boys told me yesterday how much he thought I was making a difference. He told me that I am loving these kids when the Aunties can't and giving them a break from reality so that they can have some fun. He was funny because he knows that I am only here for a few months but he said, "So how many years are you staying?" and just had a huge smile on his face. They always ask about my brothers as well. Yesterday they were asking if my brothers knew that I had older brothers here. There are certain parts of my day that make it all worth it. A certain smile or a certain joke.

Don't worry about me because I am good. Prayers are always needed but that is normal. I have to make a college decision soon.........crap. I am not going to write about any of the boys today because I think that this e-mail is pretty long. Please tell me if you ever feel like I am repeating myself. I miss you guys. New Pictures are up!

Gross Truth

There has been a request to hear more about the lizard that lives in my bathroom. I have named him Herbert and he is about the size of my pinky finger. I am getting very attached to him and am getting worried cause I haven't seen him in a few days. Where the heck is he? Ok- I'm done with that.

This Sunday is Easter and I was starting to get sad because this is my first Easter away from my family. When the older boys found out that it was my first Easter away from my family they told me that they would all go with me to church and be a replacement family. This means a lot considering some of the boys who are going to come with me are ones that have stopped going to church.

I found out a very sickening fact about the Aunties that work in the home. They work 24/7.....literally. The feed, change, wash, discipline, and take care of the children. There are about 4 Aunties in each house and around 50-60 kids in each house. They are so patient and hard working. Now here is the gross but real truth. These Aunties are paid $1,200 a year which is $100 a month which ends up being 14 cents an hour!!!!!!! They are expected to live off of 14 cents an hour and they work harder than most people I know. I know that some of you are thinking that that must be a lot in Ghana but the truth is that 14 cents is the equivalent of 14 pesewa which can't even buy a five minute tro ride into Danquah Circle from where I live. Now as sickening as this fact is I will give you an even more disturbing fact..... the average worker in Ghana makes $500 a year. I am in such shock that they are paid so lousy. Ok I am done with my rant.

I have started to make friend with a couple of the girls named Ester and Gifte. I believe that Ester is 17 and Gifte 16. They are very shy.

I don't have time to write about any of the boys today but I will try to do it tomorrow. Sorry this is such a short update.

No Longer A Strange Face

I have a couple of things to write to you about today. I can't believe it but this past Sunday marked the 1 month I have been here in Ghana. Time is flying past and I am starting to get a little bit worried about leaving. I am considering extending my stay but that would mean a lot of sacrifice and more money. I have to do some thinking on my part as well as talking to my parents. Don't worry they already know that I am thinking this so I am not just throwing it at them in an e-mail. As of right now I have some teenage boy standing behind me reading this e-mail so I hope that this makes him go away.


I know that I wrote to you guys about Seth in the first e-mail I wrote with the biographies of the boys. I had a really nice conversation with him yesterday and it was a hard one as well. We talked about some things that were light as well as topics that are heavy on his heart. He wants to be a cook when he grows up but struggles getting experience. He spilled hot water on himself the other day and burned his whole finger. It is one huge blister raised about a half inch off his skin. He told me about how he came here 12 years ago. He came with his sister who is younger than him but he had 7 other siblings. They didn't come to the home and he doesn't know what happened to them. It was hard to talk to him about it because I don't know what to say. I don't want to be invading his space but when he brings up things I want to ask more questions. As for now I let it stay and maybe eventually he will become comfortable enough with me to tell me the rest of his story.



I worry about these kids because they have been through so much and don't discuss it with anyone. If they were in America they would be getting proper counseling and help. They don't even tell each other their story. Yakubu told me that most boys just want to move on and thinking about their past is too difficult. I understand that but at the same time I am wondering if that is an unhealthy way of going about things- but then again what do I know? The kids are becoming more comfortable with me because they offer me food when they are eating and tell me things that the normally wouldn't tell me. They taught me how to clean the gutters the other day (sick!) I am starting to read their body language and they can tell my mood by mine as well. It is really neat how when you get to know someone better you can tell what they are thinking just by looking at them.



It is a good feeling when every night when I have to leave for dinner they don't want me to leave. They tell me to stay just a little longer or to come back after dinner. I am no longer a strange face or a random Obruni. I am someone consistent in their lives and they know to expect me every weekday and sometimes on weekends. The little boys have started to cling to me lately. They always want me to help dress them instead of the Aunties. If they get cut they will come to me and have me help them clean it. I really feel like I belong here. That's not to say that I don't have my moments of doubt but at least right now I am feeling sure of where I am and what I am doing. Life is Good and being here has taught me to be optimistic more than anything I have experienced and most of you know that I can be pretty negative.

I will write about Daniel today:

Daniel is 16. He is very quiet but a genuinely sweet boy. He hasn't been in school lately and I was surprised to find out why. Daniel got angry with another student and cut them with something in the classroom. He was so ashamed when he told me that he has been suspended for 2 months. I couldn't believe it! But he is very sensitive. He has no problem teasing the other boys but has trouble when they tease him. I wasn't sure whether to write about him getting in trouble in the e-mail because it gives him a bad image when he is really a sweet kid. I think that when you have been through anything like what these children deal with you are bound to have some moments of regret. He loves to play football (soccer) and dance to hip hop. He sleeps a lot because he has football training about 3 hours a day.

I hate Wisdom Teeth

So....

My wisdom teeth are coming in......ouch! My friend Christina left last night. I think out of everyone that has left so far it was hardest to watch her leave. It is hard for me because since all the volunteers live in Britain they will go home and be a couple hours away and will go on day trips and travel together....then there is me. The American that probably won't see any of them for a few years at least. But I know that we will keep in touch. A couple of us anyway.

The two boys of the day:

Moses: Moses is 13. His smile makes my day every time I see him. Consistently everyday he walks up to me and says "Hi! I am Claire who are you?" and I respond "I am Moses it is so nice to meet you!". He cracks up every time and I can't help but laugh even though it happens every day. I can be all the way across the orphanage and he will run over to me to greet me. He is so welcoming and loves to beat me at football (not that it is hard). I am still learning about him and what he does in school and his interests but I needed to write about him now because he makes me so happy every time I see him. He has so much joy and life in him. It is contagious. I will let you know when I learn more about him as a person.

Elvis (Okos): Elvis is 14. He will turn 15 on May 19 (he is angry with me because I leave a couple days before his birthday). His mom is an Auntie and he has 7 siblings. One of his sisters is named Tracy (she is so adorable!!) He acts way older and looks way older than he is although he has his moments. The boys had a game boy donated to them and he is very good at all those games. He is the best at haggling prices on taxis for me and is very protective. Sometimes he gets easily offended by the other boys but just because he is younger. He is always leaving the home to go get his older brother food. He loves fried plantain and yam. Lately I haven't seen much of him. I am not sure why but he has been quiet.

Palm Sunday (kind of a religious post)

I have good news and bad news. I will start with the bad news so that I have something good to end with. Bad news: The baby named Ivan died this past week. For those of you who don't remember Ivan was the 6 month old baby with AIDS and malaria. It is hard to understand why these things happen but I am praying about it. I won't say too much more because that pretty much covers it so I will move on to the good news: One of the toddlers I have been watching (Epia) and his baby sister were adopted this past week! It was sad as a volunteer because we didn't know that he was being adopted until he was already gone, so there was no goodbye. But it is so encouraging to see him go to a better place. The great thing is that the family adopted him and his sister together so that they can grow up together.

On a side note- I talked to my 1st pres youth group last night as they started their 30 Hour Famine. This is the first year in a long time that I am not participating and to be honest, it makes me very sad. There is no doubt in my mind that 30 Hour Famine is why I am here. Without the 30 Hour Famine I wouldn't have started to open my eyes, without that I wouldn't have raised money, without that I wouldn't have gone to Zambia, without that I wouldn't have fallen in love with Africa and with serving others. I am so thankful for my experience with the 30 Hour Famine and everything that it has brought to me.

This morning I went to church for the first time since I have been here. I have an unusual host family because they do not attend church (that is very uncommon in Ghana). Since they don't attend church I have found it hard to simply choose any random church to attend. But then two of the older boys, Kwame Mensah (Emmanuel) and Seth invited me to attend their church at the orphanage. Not all of the children attend this church. Some of the kids choose to go outside of the home to attend a church of their denomination (if they had one before they came into the home). I was told that the service started at 7am so I was there at 6:50am. Well, what I have learned is that in Ghana- time does not exist. When I got there I couldn't find anyone dressed for church so I asked around. I was told that church started: shortly, 7:30, 8:30, and around 9:00am. No one officially knows when church starts apparently.

Well the service didn't end up starting until 8:30 and it lasted until 11am. They started with praise and there were people dancing all over the room laughing and screaming and praying. I couldn't help but move my feet and laugh at how different my church's worship is. Then for the sermon the pastor was screaming and yelling and passionate and it was really neat to watch. He had my attention the entire time I really connected with the sermon. It was about the authority that we have from being one with God and why we feel we have to wait for someone to tell us what our calling is. If we feel that we know what we are supposed to be doing then we shouldn't be waiting around hoping that someone will approve of what we want to do. I know that a lot of people reading this e-mail aren't religious so I won't continue but it was a really neat experience. My mood was lifted and I just felt joyful. I am going to take a break from telling about the boys until tomorrow because this is so long to begin with.

My friend Christina goes home today which I am very sad about. She has had stomach problems that they can't figure out so she has to go back to Britain 2 months early. I am about to go to the orphanage to meet some of the boys for their football match (soccer game). I promised them I would attend and cheer them on! This is all for now. Keep e-mailing me. It keeps my spirits up when I am having a rough day!

Victor and Yakubu

Today I don't have too much time to e-mail so I am just going to write about two more of the boys:

1. Victor- Victor is 20 years old and very large compared to the other boys. I am not sure why he is not attending University but he has a twin sister in the home named Victoria. Victor tends to be more on the quiet side but also very sarcastic. At first I thought that he didn't like me very much but then he corrected me and told me that he did. He frequently says things such as Woy Akola, which means you, are a kid. Or he will joke around with me and tell me that he wants me to go back to America so I will leave the area and 30 seconds later I will hear Victor yelling my name telling me to come back. He is not a very open person compared to Alfred and Seth but I also think that has to do with his past. He always tells me that I want to learn everything and that I am a very curious small girl. (This usually refers to wanting to know more about Ghana's culture and language). When he laughs it just makes everyone around him laugh. Right now he is very sick and one of the boys came to me this morning very concerned. For the past two months he has been throwing up morning and night. It sounds like the doctors have figured out what is wrong with him but he won't tell any of the other boys. The problem is that he has not been taking his medicine. He says it has been making him throw up more and makes his stomach grind. One of the boys came to me telling me that he was afraid that he was going to die because he hasn't been taking his medicine. I am going to try and figure out if there is a different medicine that he can switch to so it won't make him so sick. Please be praying for him.

2. Yakubu- Yakubu is 19 years old and is not fully part of the home. He was trying to explain it to me but it wasn't making sense. I guess lately he has been fighting with the host father a lot because he thinks the host father is a hypocrite and so doesn't respect him. In Ghana, not respecting your elders (even if they are at fault) is not acceptable. Yakubu is a very talented salsa dancer and spends most of his time in the toddler house so that he doesn't butt heads with the host father. All of the boys trust him because he keeps secrets really well. We have spent a lot of time talking about life in the home and all the boys. He gives me insight to their lives that I would never hear about. He is a very loyal friend and is the one who is so worried about Victor. He is thinking of leaving the home soon because of his problems with the host father and that makes me so sad but I also understand. He is one of the only boys that has a cell phone because his friends outside the home bought it for him and give him credit so that they can get a hold of him. Sometimes Yakubu talks to other Ghanaians in a girl voice and pretends to be me.

Things here are good. I had a dream about cockroaches last night and couldn't sleep. I am going to church on Sunday with my friend Christina (leaves Sunday night) at the home. Sorry I can't write more today.

Introduction to the Boys

I am just going to jump straight in. Yesterday morning me and a few of the volunteers had an adventure to a pool with a few kids. There were 5 volunteers and 7 kids. Three of those kids have special needs and then we took four 6 year olds. So we hopped in a couple taxis and spent 4 hours at the pool. There was no shallow end of the pool except for the steps so we had to keep the special needs kids in the baby pool and then I took the four older kids in the big pool with me and another volunteer.
I spent all morning swimming back and forth with these kids on my back. The only time when the kids weren't on my back was when they were sitting on the steps. The only problem is that since I am short I had a hard time keeping my head above water while swimming with these kids-pretty funny if you ask me. The special needs kids really enjoyed it. They are actually never bathed other than with a damp cloth so to get them fully submerged into the water is really good. They had the biggest smiles on their faces and we just able to relax. There was no crying!!! :)

I am learning how to play this one instrument- it is kind of like a maraca. It is two large nuts that are hallowed out and filled with seeds and then attached together with a string. You hold one nut and then swing the other one around your hand to hit the other one and make a sound and then catch it and shake them together. It is really difficult and I have never been very good with rhythm.

It rained again last night just as I was about to leave and walk home! The kids wouldn't let me leave in the rain and lightning even if it meant I would miss my dinner. They made me call my roommates and tell them to save some dinner for me. I wasn't allowed to walk home until the rain had stopped. This rain is really helping our water situation!! It is unusual too because it is not the rainy season yet. I think I might get to shower today!!

I will finish this letter with a little bio about two of the boys from the home. I will start with the two I met first:

1. Alfred (His name is also Kwei). All of the kids have two names. The name they were given (Alfred) and then a name for the day of the week they were born on (Kwei = Boy born on Sunday). Alfred is 18 years old. He finished Senior High last April and won't attend University until fall of 2009. His mom is an Auntie that works at the home. The reason he has to wait so long to go to school is because his mom is already putting his older sister through University and doesn't have enough money yet to send Alfred as well. He wants to be a pilot but is going to study accounting in University and then after he might join the military to learn how to fly planes. He is a really sweet boy and a very genuine person. I might classify him as the kindest and most accepting of the boys. All of the babies love him and he allows all of the little kids to sit on his lap. He loves to read and speaks the best English out of all the boys. He laughs at me a lot and just laughs a lot in general. He loves when I tell him stories about random things. His key phrase to drive me crazy is "Are you sure?". He will say this after everything that I say just because he knows that a lot of the time I am not sure. He doesn't go to church every Sunday (which in Ghana is considered bad) but instead he stays in and studies his Bible. When I asked him why he doesn't go to church he told me because most boys just go to church but when they leave they go back and fight (hypocrites is what he means).

2. Seth (Kwame = boy born on Saturday). Seth is 16 years old and is in his last year of junior high. I believe this is the equivalent of our sophomore year of high school. He has exams this week which decides which Senior High he attends. Last night I spent 3 hours helping him study for his catering exam. It is kind of like our version of foods class but without the cooking. It teaches them how to set a table, table etiquette, and all about buying and preserving food. Also, what foods are healthy and what not. Seth is an orphan and is also very genuine. Alfred and Seth are best friends so they both have very kind hearts. Seth has trouble reading but we are working together to improve it (he reads out loud to me). He loves to play soccer (like most of the boys) and loves Goosebumps. When the younger boys are in trouble and are getting caned (yes different types of punishment, very hard to watch) they will always yell for Seth to help them and that ends up breaking his heart because he wants to be able to help them but knows that he will get in trouble. Seth goes to church most Sundays and always invites me to come with him so I think one of these Sundays when I am here I will go with him. He is the one that started calling me Acoco.

How Did I Get Here?

I am sorry I haven't written an e-mail lately. I have been really busy with the orphanage and then we went away this past weekend to a place called Kokrobite. It was a great weekend to just relax and hang out. There was live music on Friday and Sat. night and hammocks in between palm trees. Fresh pineapple juice and huts that were used as hotel rooms. If you looked at the pictures you probably saw a hut and that was my hotel room.

There are times when I look around and think how did I get here? All of my friends are still in school but somehow I am here. This whole experience seems so surreal and it is going by so fast. On Sunday night when we returned from the weekend it rained. Not just rained but poured! Two of my roommates and I ran outside and started laughing and dancing. They have thin enough hair that they were able to get shampoo out and wash their hair. Sadly, my hair is too thick. The past two days since it rained have been cooler than normal which is a miracle.

A lot of you have been asking why I only have pictures of the boys and I know I explained this before but I will explain again. The girls never leave their house at the home. They stay inside from after school until school the next day so I never get to talk to them or meet them. One of the older boys promised me he would take me over there at some point this week so that I could meet them. But yesterday I actually decided to take matters into my own hands and head over to their house to try and introduce myself. That didn't work so well because they weren't as interested in meeting me as I was them. So I think I might have that older boy take me back later this week so that he can help me out. The girls are very shy.

Today has been a sad day because last night we took one of our roommates to the airport. She has finished her placement here and is now going to South Africa for 3 months. She was definitely the positive energy in the house that I was really able to connect with so it was hard to say goodbye to her. She actually reminded me a lot of my cousin Chaille. So I went into the orphanage this morning feeling down and as soon as I walked in a little boy Joely ran up to me arms spread out and jumped into my arms. I am starting to realize that I need those kids as much as they need me and that when things get tough they still love me. I held Joely for almost an hour and a half until he fell asleep in my arms. These kids are stealing my heart.

3 Weeks have passed and I am already afraid of the time slipping away too quickly. I have important decisions to make while I am here and that can feel overwhelming at times. I will try and be better about writing. I think that I might write you an e-mail about just the older boys and tell you about each one. Would you like that? I won't do it if no one is interested. My roommate Amy is sick so I am off to buy her some food and then go take a shower! (I HAVE WATER TODAY!!!)

I miss Portillos

I have decided that transitions are lame so I am going to number my thoughts again. I hope you don't mind.
1. The heat is becoming unbearable. The sun is twice as hot and I sweat 8 times as much as I did when I arrived. The temp. is reaching in the 100's at some points during the day. However, the past two nights we have had lightning!!! No rain, but lightning!! And this morning the sky spitted rain for about 3 minutes. The rainy season is coming and I can't wait. Water has become almost impossible to come by. Pretty soon here I am going to have to start wearing dirty clothes because I have no water to wash them in. I smell. I long for the days when I was a shampoo girl and my hands always smelled of soap! haha
2. I have started to walk home a lot more. It used to be a twenty minute walk home but then one of the boys from outside the home (he is a friend that always comes to the home to play soccer) showed me a shortcut to my house so now it is about a fifteen minute walk. Walking home is the one part of my day when I can just unwind and think about everything. It gives me a chance to tackle my racing mind and breathe a little bit.
3. I realize I haven't talked too much about meals so I will tell you a little bit about that. For breakfast every morning I get a slice of bread with jam (We bought the jam from the market). For lunch I get crackers and a juice box. Then for dinner we have a lot of different meals throughout the week. We get more meat than I thought we would but also a lot of carbs. Some nights we will have yams, meatballs, and this spicy tomato sauce. Yams here are very different from Yams in America. They are more like potatoes. The meatballs are very small and dry but taste pretty good with the tomato sauce and yams combined. The tomato sauce we get at most meals. It is super super spicy but adds a kick to the bland. We have a lot of rice and then some nights we have this spinach dish. It is spinach mixed with different kinds of nuts and seeds that you put over rice. Sometimes we will have chicken. On Saturday nights they try and make us veggie omelettes with chips (french fries). Some nights we will have noodles with a veggie, meat sauce over it. The food is not bad at all. I really enjoy it to be honest.
4. I miss Portillos and milk.
5. Sometimes when I am walking around I find it hard to breathe. The fumes from burning garbage and cars can overwhelm me a great deal and it can be hard to take a deep breath.
6. I found a fried rice stand that I love!!! It only costs 1 cedi 50 pesewas for a huge thing of fried rice and chicken!! That is about $1.50. It is right by the orphanage so I can get it for lunch.
7. Yesterday was Ghana's Independence Day. There was a parade but there was too much traffic to get to the actually parade. It didn't seem too much different from an average day in Ghana because Ghanaians are always showing their pride. Sometimes I almost feel as if I am on a college campus because everyone is always wearing their Ghana T-shirts and colors.
8. I feel so blessed for everything in my life especially my family. I watch these kids fight for love and I am so grateful to be so close to my parents and brothers as well as all my extended family. Being here makes me miss my brothers a whole lot more than I did at home because some of the kids in the home have siblings and I get to watch them take care of each other. I hope everything is well back home. Pray for rain! We need rain so badly.

Respected Cause of Innocence

I am just going to jump straight in. There are some days here when I just feel so spiritually defeated. I find it so hard sometimes because there is just simply no one here to talk to about it. There aren't volunteers here that came based on faith because generally those volunteers go through religious organizations. However, I didn't. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I was so down and just very irritated at everything around me. One of those moods that no matter how hard you try you can't shake. My faith is being challenged here more than it ever has before and yesterday I just found myself alone and needing someone to talk to.
Thankfully I had a friend from home call me last night and talk me through it but I am just having days where it is so difficult to keep chugging. Don't get me wrong, I love this place, but I just sometimes feel defeated. My sleeping has not been getting better, worse if anything. I fall asleep but then I am waking up in the night and having these interactive dreams that prevent me from recharging at the end of a long day. My roommate isn't the biggest fan of me considering I end up yelling a lot during the night. I wake up in the morning feeling as if I haven't slept at all.
As for everything else; Ghana has put me in this place of love and hate. There are some days, like today, when I think I never want to have kids haha but then others when I know that the little demons will move past those obnoxious stages. Today I got peed on twice, kicked, hit, and got dirt thrown in my face. What a day! We have been moving into a very interesting stage with the children because in the morning we are trying not to pick the kids up as much because when they move into school age they are never picked up. I guess that makes sense but I am struggling to find a balance of giving them the physical affection I know they need and still understanding that if I give them too much it will be a drastic change.
My twi has been getting more developed and it is really helping me to communicate with the kids which is nice. I find that their favorite thing for me to do is spin them around by their arms or hang them upside down. As for the older boys, I have been thinking of ways I can minister to them more than I am. I have been helping a lot of them with reading and vocabulary and am hoping to have my mom bring some easy read young adult books for the boys. I have also been helping them with Math but that can be frustrating because I learned a different way than they are teaching. Good news- the administration really likes me and so does the house father. I was told that my innocence was very encouraging and that they knew I would be a good influence on the boys. I guess my lifestyle choices are paying off. I am very respected in a place where a lot of volunteers feel unwanted which is a great feeling. I have a lot more to write about random things but I will tell you about them tomorrow. :) Hope all is well!