Being Back Home--the end...for now

So I figure I should write one last e-mail.

I know I have been home for a week and I haven't written yet. Part of me just doesn't know what to write. I am doing ok. Some days are better than others and I find that the time I spend keeping busy is easier than the time I am sitting doing nothing. I miss the kids. I know that was expected but still that doesn't make the lump in my throat or this empty feeling go away. I'm not saying that I am not happy to be home with family and friends but it is something so much bigger than that.

I spent the last four months of my life spending every waking minute with these children and building myself a life on a different continent; A DIFFERENT CONTINENT; A place where they don't know starbucks. Fresh air doesn't exist because the stench of sewers fills the air, but somehow that fades into the background of the beauty of the country. A country where nearly 75% of the population wakes up at 4:30am. A place where the sun is so hot you can feel your skin sizzle a little bit when you leave the shade. A place where walking fast and rushing through life doesn't exist. A place where you can suck ice cream out of a plastic sachet.

Now I am back here. A bank on every corner. McDonalds just around the corner. Air conditioning that makes your fingers go numb while you are working. Suits and skirts are a must for work (with the exception of slacks). Sprinklers automatically water flowers at a certain time each day and washing machines wash clothes that can probably be worn a few more times. And its not that I don't like this or that I am criticizing the way we live but I am just expressing how different it is.

People keep asking me how I am adjusting and is it different to be home? To answer the questions it is HARD to adjust but I am doing it. There are times when I just cry and a lot of times it comes out of no where. I struggle every day with the differences of being home but I try my hardest to stay positive. I keep smiling and laughing because I know that is the only way to live your life. I am broken but growing in that. I am not afraid to feel sad and I am not afraid to scream and cry. But I won't let this control my life. I get up every morning at 5:30 take the 7am train to the city where I work hard to make money to go to school so that I can change the world. I make it back home at 6pm, eat dinner hang with a couple friends and go to sleep. Life goes on. I couldn't change leaving and I can't change being home so I might as well enjoy it.

I hope that by me writing these e-mails I have given you something that you didn't have before. Whether it is discomfort you have never felt before or a satisfaction that someone else feels the way you do. I will probably e-mail one more time about the fundraising I am going to be doing but it might not be for a little while.