Thursday, April 24, 2008

Hard Day

I am not sure if I have had a more discouraging morning since I have been here.

There is a new supervisor at the orphanage. The government moved Auntie Helena to a different area in Ghana. The new supervisor has decided that she doesn't think I am old enough or big enough to work with the older boys. She told me that she doesn't think that I am big enough to be respected. When I told her that I had been working with them for the past two months she laughed in my face and said that it must have been a mistake. I tried telling her that they do respect me and that I am nothing but a good influence on them but she didn't seem to believe me. I literally begged her to let me stay working with them and she told me that unless she talked to the boys and felt that they respected me that I was not allowed to talk with them. Even after talking with them she will have to think about it.

I can't even express how horrible I am feeling right now. Having someone tell me that I am too small to be respected is a terrible feeling. Especially when I know that the boys do respect me.

I found out yesterday that one of my toddlers Grace has AIDS. She is not being treated.

But even through all of this I have to believe that God is always good.

Someone was wondering what it would be like when I came home and wanted to know how I think I will handle it. I am not going to lie to myself and say that it will be easy. I know that I am going to struggle but I also know that I have people at home who love me and are going to be there to support me. Leaving these kids is going to be next to impossible but I know that I can get through it. I will be so thankful for a real bed and shower. I will be at loss of words and maybe a little frustrated that I can't explain all of this to everyone as well as I can remember it. I am scared to come home but I know that I will be back here at some point.

Even in my hardest moments here in Ghana I have people supporting me. One of my friends and I are going out to lunch today so that he can talk me through this. I am ok. Things will work out. I know that one of my favorite quotes is always true : Everything will be alright in the end; if it is not alright it is not the end.

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