Not Very Long

So I have been working through a lot in my head and just trying to figure things out. I am so torn about whether to stay here longer or go home. I would be missing my high school graduation and a lot of graduation parties but I can't even think about leaving on time without feeling sick to my stomach. I realize that staying longer would mean that it would be that much harder to leave but I think that it would be a good amount of time. Yesterday I told one of the boys that I wasn't sure if I could stay longer and he just looked at me and said so when are you going to come back and visit us? The reality of it all is that I am not sure if I could come back to visit them. When I told him that he said he understood but it broke my heart to realize the truth of it all.

I wish I had more to write but I am just not sure exactly what to write today. I am loving every moment here and trying not to get too caught up in the future. But at the same time I can't put off the decisions I need to make about staying here and college. Raymond has been sick the past three days and every morning I come in and just hold him until he falls asleep. The other morning I spent an hour trying to get him to take some medicine. I don't know how these kids get sick without a mom. I know it sounds crazy but whenever I was sick my mom was there to make me soup and love on me. When you are feeling crappy all you really want is to be with your mom, am I right? So I have been holding him and hugging him and kissing him. Hopefully I don't get sick. I have also been bathing him frequently to try and get his fever down.

I am at loss of things to say even though there is so much I am sure. I'm sorry I haven't been writing very often and that I have stopped writing about the boys. I will start up again soon. I am so excited for my parents to come and see me. I want to show them everything and it will be great!!!!! Anything you guys are wanting to know about? Let me know!!!!