So I figure I should write one last e-mail.
I know I have been home for a week and I haven't written yet. Part of me just doesn't know what to write. I am doing ok. Some days are better than others and I find that the time I spend keeping busy is easier than the time I am sitting doing nothing. I miss the kids. I know that was expected but still that doesn't make the lump in my throat or this empty feeling go away. I'm not saying that I am not happy to be home with family and friends but it is something so much bigger than that.
I spent the last four months of my life spending every waking minute with these children and building myself a life on a different continent; A DIFFERENT CONTINENT; A place where they don't know starbucks. Fresh air doesn't exist because the stench of sewers fills the air, but somehow that fades into the background of the beauty of the country. A country where nearly 75% of the population wakes up at 4:30am. A place where the sun is so hot you can feel your skin sizzle a little bit when you leave the shade. A place where walking fast and rushing through life doesn't exist. A place where you can suck ice cream out of a plastic sachet.
Now I am back here. A bank on every corner. McDonalds just around the corner. Air conditioning that makes your fingers go numb while you are working. Suits and skirts are a must for work (with the exception of slacks). Sprinklers automatically water flowers at a certain time each day and washing machines wash clothes that can probably be worn a few more times. And its not that I don't like this or that I am criticizing the way we live but I am just expressing how different it is.
People keep asking me how I am adjusting and is it different to be home? To answer the questions it is HARD to adjust but I am doing it. There are times when I just cry and a lot of times it comes out of no where. I struggle every day with the differences of being home but I try my hardest to stay positive. I keep smiling and laughing because I know that is the only way to live your life. I am broken but growing in that. I am not afraid to feel sad and I am not afraid to scream and cry. But I won't let this control my life. I get up every morning at 5:30 take the 7am train to the city where I work hard to make money to go to school so that I can change the world. I make it back home at 6pm, eat dinner hang with a couple friends and go to sleep. Life goes on. I couldn't change leaving and I can't change being home so I might as well enjoy it.
I hope that by me writing these e-mails I have given you something that you didn't have before. Whether it is discomfort you have never felt before or a satisfaction that someone else feels the way you do. I will probably e-mail one more time about the fundraising I am going to be doing but it might not be for a little while.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
My Last Week
I know that I haven't written since my last very upsetting e-mail so I thought that I would send out a happier one. This week has been hard, there is no doubt about it. I have watched my friends wrestle with what the witnessed on Saturday night and I have sat with some of them for hours without them talking. The counseling session that was held for the volunteers turned into people blaming people on who was to blame. There was a service held last night with all the volunteers but I couldn't bring myself to go. It took me four days to get it off of my mind and I just couldn't revisit it again. Anyway I promised you a happy e-mail so I am going to move away from this topic.
It is my last week in Ghana and I have been soaking up every minute of it. I don't sleep much because I want to spend my remaining hours awake so that the time will go slower. I have been running errands of things that I put off for the past four months and working on finalizing things with the older boys.
Leaving here might possibly be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. The boys aren't making it very easy either. Every time I see Kwesi he tells me that time is running and it makes me cringe. A couple of the boys called my mom and told her that I wasn't coming home and that I was staying here and that they were sorry but she couldn't have me back.
One of the boys told me that he couldn't say goodbye to me on Monday because he didn't want to cry. I tell them that we can't worry about me leaving until Monday but they still seem to bring it up. Okos told me that I did something here that no other volunteer has ever done before. I find it hard to believe but if it is true than that is a good feeling.
I know that I am not talking about anything important but this has been what my last few days has been like. I have helped one of my boys sell phone credit at the roadside. I have helped pack up a roadside stand and push a cart down the road to storage at 11pm. I have stayed outside everynight until at least 1am just looking at the stars and enjoying my last days.
My dinners are all planned out for the next four days as they were before I came to Ghana. Every day my twi becomes improved and more developed. I bought a shirt that said 100% Ghanaian. I had a conversation in twi with a taxi driver. Then he let me direct him to Labone Junction from the market on my own. That is a twenty-minute drive and I could show him the way by myself and so he told me that I was a black American and that I belonged in Ghana.
I took my fabric to the dress maker and I will pick up my dresses on Sunday. I am spending a lot of time with my friend David because right now he is the only one left that was here when I first arrived and one of few that was here when I moved into the orphanage. I'm trying to get in some last minute sun so that I can prove to you people that I was in Africa for 4 months and got a decent tan... haha.
This afternoon one of the boys is going to teach me how to carry things on my head.
I think this should be said as well: I am not terrified of coming home. I am terrified of leaving the children. I am so excited to come home and see my family and friends. So excited to go to Chipotle and Noodles and sleep in my hammock. I know that some of you are worried that I will hate home when I get there but the truth is I am not going to. Yes, it will be a hard adjustment but that is natural. I have never been good at change. Sometimes I will feel heartbroken and missing the kids. Sometimes I will be angry looking at the wealth in Glen Ellyn but that is something I have been preparing myself for since I arrived. I can't wait to drive my car with the windows down and the music turned up. I know that I will be back here. Maybe not for another year or so but I have complete confidence that this is not my last time to Ghana. Not to mention all the other adventures that I am going to be going on.
So I will say this to you. I get home on Tuesday afternoon around 4:00 (that is when I should be at my house). So stop by and say hello to me because that is what is going to get me through. Seeing my friends and family will make coming home worth it.
It is my last week in Ghana and I have been soaking up every minute of it. I don't sleep much because I want to spend my remaining hours awake so that the time will go slower. I have been running errands of things that I put off for the past four months and working on finalizing things with the older boys.
Leaving here might possibly be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. The boys aren't making it very easy either. Every time I see Kwesi he tells me that time is running and it makes me cringe. A couple of the boys called my mom and told her that I wasn't coming home and that I was staying here and that they were sorry but she couldn't have me back.
One of the boys told me that he couldn't say goodbye to me on Monday because he didn't want to cry. I tell them that we can't worry about me leaving until Monday but they still seem to bring it up. Okos told me that I did something here that no other volunteer has ever done before. I find it hard to believe but if it is true than that is a good feeling.
I know that I am not talking about anything important but this has been what my last few days has been like. I have helped one of my boys sell phone credit at the roadside. I have helped pack up a roadside stand and push a cart down the road to storage at 11pm. I have stayed outside everynight until at least 1am just looking at the stars and enjoying my last days.
My dinners are all planned out for the next four days as they were before I came to Ghana. Every day my twi becomes improved and more developed. I bought a shirt that said 100% Ghanaian. I had a conversation in twi with a taxi driver. Then he let me direct him to Labone Junction from the market on my own. That is a twenty-minute drive and I could show him the way by myself and so he told me that I was a black American and that I belonged in Ghana.
I took my fabric to the dress maker and I will pick up my dresses on Sunday. I am spending a lot of time with my friend David because right now he is the only one left that was here when I first arrived and one of few that was here when I moved into the orphanage. I'm trying to get in some last minute sun so that I can prove to you people that I was in Africa for 4 months and got a decent tan... haha.
This afternoon one of the boys is going to teach me how to carry things on my head.
I think this should be said as well: I am not terrified of coming home. I am terrified of leaving the children. I am so excited to come home and see my family and friends. So excited to go to Chipotle and Noodles and sleep in my hammock. I know that some of you are worried that I will hate home when I get there but the truth is I am not going to. Yes, it will be a hard adjustment but that is natural. I have never been good at change. Sometimes I will feel heartbroken and missing the kids. Sometimes I will be angry looking at the wealth in Glen Ellyn but that is something I have been preparing myself for since I arrived. I can't wait to drive my car with the windows down and the music turned up. I know that I will be back here. Maybe not for another year or so but I have complete confidence that this is not my last time to Ghana. Not to mention all the other adventures that I am going to be going on.
So I will say this to you. I get home on Tuesday afternoon around 4:00 (that is when I should be at my house). So stop by and say hello to me because that is what is going to get me through. Seeing my friends and family will make coming home worth it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Tragic Story
This is not a good e-mail but I wanted to tell you before the media shares with you all.
Every month Projects Abroad holds a monthly party where all volunteers from all over Ghana come to Accra to eat food and have a good time. Every other month the party is held at the beach. Last night we had one of our monthly parties at the beach. I had decided not to attend the party and go to watch football matches instead. However, I received a phone call last night being informed that one of the volunteers drowned in the ocean. She was wading in the water at dusk with one of the male volunteers and the rip tide took her under. The boy then jumped in after her to try and save her but couldn't get to her. After making it to shore he informed everyone that there was someone with him and he was rushed to the hospital to get treatment. After searching for this girl an hour and a half she washed up on shore. She was rushed to the hospital but I think she was already dead when she washed up on shore. She was a volunteer from Kumasi (7 hours north of Accra) so I did not know her personally. She was 24 and had only been here one week.
As things stand I am sure the media is going to get swamped with this story in the next couple days and I did not want anyone to worry.
Everyone that was at the beach party is emotionally destroyed right now and our Projects Abroad staff are really struggling. I am doing ok, shocked, but ok. Thankfully I was not there and did not have to witness such an awful event but I am still shaken up a bit. Counselors are flying in from Britain tonight to talk to volunteers and staff and make sure that everyone is ok.
I just needed to tell you before the media did.
Every month Projects Abroad holds a monthly party where all volunteers from all over Ghana come to Accra to eat food and have a good time. Every other month the party is held at the beach. Last night we had one of our monthly parties at the beach. I had decided not to attend the party and go to watch football matches instead. However, I received a phone call last night being informed that one of the volunteers drowned in the ocean. She was wading in the water at dusk with one of the male volunteers and the rip tide took her under. The boy then jumped in after her to try and save her but couldn't get to her. After making it to shore he informed everyone that there was someone with him and he was rushed to the hospital to get treatment. After searching for this girl an hour and a half she washed up on shore. She was rushed to the hospital but I think she was already dead when she washed up on shore. She was a volunteer from Kumasi (7 hours north of Accra) so I did not know her personally. She was 24 and had only been here one week.
As things stand I am sure the media is going to get swamped with this story in the next couple days and I did not want anyone to worry.
Everyone that was at the beach party is emotionally destroyed right now and our Projects Abroad staff are really struggling. I am doing ok, shocked, but ok. Thankfully I was not there and did not have to witness such an awful event but I am still shaken up a bit. Counselors are flying in from Britain tonight to talk to volunteers and staff and make sure that everyone is ok.
I just needed to tell you before the media did.
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