Homesick for a place I cannot go

“I need Africa more than Africa needs me”

I have been struggling these past few days. There is an ache for Ghana that I just cannot satisfy. It’s the kind of ache that has taken over my whole body and won’t let go.

I’ve spent the last 8 months since I was there making a plan; a plan to be successful-to learn and grow. I have been making a plan to not fall into the inefficient patterns of non-profit organizations but to learn the best business practices to make and measure my impact.

But my plan has lead me to a very different place than I expected: co-op in Boston, classes for six months, GMAT, graduating in December, professional job for 2 years, MBA program for two years…and then get started. But how did I forget to put Ghana in the plan? When did I all of a sudden have a five-year plan that excluded Ghana?

I know that this is what I need to do. I know that in order to be someone capable of creating change, I need to do this; it is just much harder than I thought.

I am putting my life in Ghana on hold and there is no saying what will change there while I am away. There is no saying who I will see again and who will have moved on.

And there is no way to explain to the people I love so much why I am not there. The longer I am gone the more they feel like I have forgotten and abandoned them just like the last Obruni.

I can’t call very much anymore; it is just too difficult to hear the questions of when and why. It is hard to live your life with half your heart in another country.

But I have not forgotten. And I will not abandon them.

But for right now, I am simply homesick for a place that I cannot go.