A Yearning Heart

Ever since I was a little girl my mom has told me that she believes I feel emotions more acutely than other people in the world.

I have been accused of being too excited, loving too much, being too sad, caring too much, being too angry…and the list goes on.

So I am going to attempt to explain one of the emotions I feel so deeply that it creates a physical response within me.

The act of yearning: 1) to have an earnest or strong desire; to long for something 2) to feel tenderness, be moved or attracted

This is something I regularly feel in Ghana.

The word itself is something that when spoken can actually be felt...it is a word that carries with it a slight twinge of pain along with desire.

Sometimes I think I can truly feel my heart yearning; I feel my heart move closer to the surface of my chest where it sometimes feels like it will burst through. It is a longing so strong that I am actually physically MOVED.

At times it can make me feel sick, it seems as if the contradiction of what my heart yearns for and what is actually happening causes a painful reaction within me.

My heart yearns for the boys living in my group home to break through their devastating past; it yearns for the other children left at Osu Children's home to survive in a place where hopes and dreams are too frequently snuffed out, it yearns for the boys at Cantonments to succeed in whatever they choose for their life, it yearns for the people of Ghana, for the people of Africa.

But the words above are just words, they can't express the strain I physically feel inside of me when I wish for these things.

They don't reflect my occasional sleepless nights and tensed muscles I acquire when I yearn.

The words can't reveal the sacrifices I would be willing to make to change the circumstances.

But I am yearning and its OK, cause deep down, I know that this is what gives me the understanding that my work here has meaning.

And when it seems these emotions become too much for me to handle I will remember the comforting lyrics of a song that my friend played for me:

"You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die."