I am being tested...
I am back to my old host family that I was with in May. I would have continued to stay with Helena but it was too far from Accra and not being able to see the boys from Cantonments or any of the kids from the home for about a month and a half more was not OK.
But my old host family is a room 12ft x 12ft...there is no fan that reaches me in my bed. I used to share the room with five other girls but 3 of them have gone to school and so I am sharing with only 2 girls now. The empty bunk I am using to stick my suitcase on since there is no floor space. I will be living out of my suitcase for the next month and a half. My bed still has a missing slat...so my hip still goes through the bunk and my 1/2 inch foam mattress seems to have bed bugs since I woke up this morning with bugs bites all over me.
The girls woke up at 4:30am for school and the light was switched on at 5am...there is no toilet paper in the bathroom so I will go out and buy some for myself tonight...there are no plugs for me to charge my things in so I will charge them at work today...I am tired and frustrated...but being able to see the boys from Cantonments makes it worth it all.
Honestly, I don't even find enjoyment at the orphanage anymore. Most of the older boys have either gone off to school or I have put into the group home. The older boys that are left there I am not supposed to speak to because there are suspicions of me having an affair with one of the older boys...why else would I make a group home for them? I still do get enjoyment from my toddlers and the younger boys but I could see them for a few hours a week and be fine. It is not the same as having the friendships with the older kids. Also, the younger boys only want to spend so much time with me and then they run off on their own, and the toddlers can't leave their house and sleep early so there is not much of a point there.
But what keeps me sane here is the boys from Cantonments. They are my best friends in Ghana that are just friends. There is nothing hard about being friends with them because their parents haven't emotionally damaged them to the point where they will get mad for no reason (that's how it is at the orphanage). So while I am still in love with the children at the orphanage and they are still my reason for coming back and doing what I do...they are no longer what allows me to survive in Ghana. I don't know how this all sounds to the outside viewer but to be frank at this point I am just being honest. I am so thankful for the boys at Cantonments.
On a happier note! Since I am back living near Osu I was able to go to Senior training today and see some good football as well as meet a very nice volunteer from Canada. Living closer is going to make me a lot happier. I will get used to the living situation, it is just my initial frustration with Osu Children's Home.
P.S. I am happy, I love Ghana, and I am happy I am here. This has just been a period of adjustment for me and anyone who knows me knows that my personality in general has a difficult time with change. So don't think I have lost my desire to be here or my passion for what I am doing.
So here is my new room, I tried to take a couple pictures to show you what it is like.
Dear Claire Bear, I can imagine what you feel like right now with the orphanage room falling through. And I know what you mean about the lack of fulfillment you get from the younger kids at the orphanage compared to the Cantonments. But maybe you will get more satisfaction from the young children if you imagine and remember how much they love and need your attention. And the time you spend with the youngsters will be your connection for the coming years when you return, etc. I love you very much and hope the bed bug bites get better.
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