Pressure

My friend Dominic was in the hospital yesterday; he had thrown up 20 times the previous night and so yesterday they had to pump his stomach. They couldn't find out what caused him to be sick. When I spoke to him yesterday evening he told me that it was the pressure. He was not actually sick; it was just the fear of not being able to help all the boys at Cantonments. His worry that 90% of them were already lost.

I know that feeling.

There is a pressure that comes with this responsibility that not many people speak about. This feeling that we need to take care of everyone in our path. It can break a person down, eat away at us little by little, and if we are not careful-it can take us completely.

It does not attack every person that comes here- some are able to get away. But once it has you, it won't let you go.

It is a weight that we carry around with us everywhere we go-not just when in Ghana but when we are home too. It even follows me into my dreams and there are times
when I still wake up sweating or crying with the anxiety and fear of failure. We feel helpless.

There are so many children, how can we help them all? Our hearts take in more
than we can handle but we let them get bashed up at the expense of giving love
and hope to those who need it. It is weighing the cost against the benefit and
hoping that we are right when we say the benefit outweighs the cost.

So how do we stop it, how can we prioritize and channel it? That is what we
struggle to do. We support each other and pick one another up when we think we
have given up.

But we know it will continue. This continent is a part of us now...it has
coursed through us and taken over and we will never be the same. So while we are
thankful for the truth that has been shown to us; we will forever carry around
with us the pain of those we love and those we cannot help.

We pray for the healing of laughter and love but for those times when that isn't enough I will continue to remember that "Everlasting, his light will shine when all else fades"

Top Story in Ghana: Accra Water Crisis worsens

"Ghana is seeking international assistance to rectify a major engineering defect which has severely affected water supply at the Weija Water Works and reduced daily production from 55 million gallons to 11 million."

I have a feeling I will be increasingly dirty.

So believe it or not I have a cold in Africa...I didn't know that was possible but I have managed to catch one. I was extremely low energy yesterday but I am feeling better today.

OK! So I think I might have down a routine...for most days that is.

5:30-6:00am Wake up

6:30am Leave the house- travel to Cantonments

7:00-8:00am watch first half of senior training

8:00-8:30am eat egg & bread with Milo (drink)

8:30-9:00am travel to work

9:00am-4:30pm work

4:30-5:00pm travel home to drop off my bag

5:00-6:30pm switch off between Osu Children's Home and Cantonments Youth training

6:30-? spend time with friends; eventually this will include other volunteers

?-5:30am sleep

That's all for now.

How many days until Claire becomes bald?

So not too much is new; just thought I would give a quick update.

My malaria medicine (doxycycline)made me have an allergic reaction to the sun and my skin was red, puffy, and itching so badly I couldn't sleep. SO- I had to switch back to Lariam and already my crazy dreams have started back up. Last night I thought there were bugs crawling all over me again...excellent. This is also the same malaria medicine that makes my hair fall out...so you can all start giving your estimated amount of days until I am completely bald. haha

The good news is that when my friend Ali comes to see me in 20 days (not that I am counting or anything) she is going to bring me a third kind of malaria medicine so I can try that out. We will see which one has the least amount of side effects.

I know that it is getting to be the hottest time of the year here in Ghana because the water has been switched off for 2 days straight now...I really need to do wash. I might have to use pure water to wash a couple things to get me by.

I have been saving a lot of money on taxis at night because I found out one of the guys from Cantonments lives right by me so now he just walks me home at night and I am #1 safer and #2 saving money. It works out perfectly.

Yesterday I went and watched the U12s, U14s, and U17s play matches and it was heavenly. Good football, sunshine, fanice, good friends, and good music. Some of the U12s were trying to get me to dance by showing off their dance skills.

Today, I am going to see a good friend Sarfo play in a match. He just got signed to a Premier League football club in Ghana (thats really good) and so I am going to watch him play at the National Stadium today.

Hope you are all not freezing!!

I love Bucket Showers

I love bucket showers- anyone who has ever taken one will understand.

I am embarrassed when I think of how much I complained in my last post. I should be so grateful for my old host family taking me back in without pay. There are so many people without homes or that live in the same size room with 10 kids. That was me being selfish and ungrateful. I hate when that side of me comes out.

Plus, being back in Accra with the people that I love is totally worth the living situation. I am getting to spend time every day with my best friends here and I am reminded of why I am destroyed every time I leave this place.

Even with my troubles I have at Osu Children’s Home now there are a few children that still fill me up with so much joy I forget about all the hard things. Moses is one of these kids. When I see Moses everything that has been eating away at me disappears. He always gives me the biggest hugs and tells me that he has missed not seeing me. His smile is contagious and I wish with all my heart I could bring him home with me. Another one of these kids is Yaw Bob. When I hug him I can feel how much I truly care about these kids. I need to continue to cling to those relationships I have and fight for them.

Me and Moses Yesterday:


Yaw Bob and me last May:


I have been getting up at 5:30 every morning with the girls and leaving the house by 6:15 to go to Senior training before work. But my work schedule this week has been a little screwy. Helena traveled to do training with orphanage workers but I did not go with her this week because I am still settling in and know she will be doing a lot of these over the next 6 months. So while she has been gone I have been helping out her husband.

Kwame has an organization called Our Children Africa and it has built three schools in villages outside the city. I went with him yesterday to visit those schools and see the children. He pays the schoolteachers with his own money and then relies on donations to do the actual building of the schools. Right now one of the schools is stuck halfway built because he can’t find the funding.

After we visited his schools we went to a school for the blind out in Aburi (Where the botanical gardens are located; beautiful). None of the children at the school have walking sticks, they have just memorized the geography of their school and walk free from class to class. Kwame introduced me to a boy named Daniel who is 17. Two years ago some doctors in Accra said that if he could get a cornea transplant he would no longer be blind. When Kwame heard this he raised the money to fly Daniel to Chicago and get the surgery. It was only after getting to Chicago and they did some tests that it was discovered that it was not going to work. Kwame said what a sad day that was when they found this out. But because the doctors couldn’t give him the surgery they asked him what they could do for him and he told them that he didn’t need anything but he wanted a medical team to come to Ghana to help the visually impaired; he got his wish.

Today I have been helping Kwame with the newsletter that he wants to send out to try and promote his foundation.

Other than that; everything is great. I am reminded daily of why every time people ask me what I love about Ghana, I respond “the people”.

Follow Up from Yesterday

After waiting for 3 1/2 hours in the administration office of Osu Children's Home I was told that...the man did not know he was supposed to be leaving...so sorry there is no room for me and it won't be available until March 15th...

I am being tested...

I am back to my old host family that I was with in May. I would have continued to stay with Helena but it was too far from Accra and not being able to see the boys from Cantonments or any of the kids from the home for about a month and a half more was not OK.

But my old host family is a room 12ft x 12ft...there is no fan that reaches me in my bed. I used to share the room with five other girls but 3 of them have gone to school and so I am sharing with only 2 girls now. The empty bunk I am using to stick my suitcase on since there is no floor space. I will be living out of my suitcase for the next month and a half. My bed still has a missing slat...so my hip still goes through the bunk and my 1/2 inch foam mattress seems to have bed bugs since I woke up this morning with bugs bites all over me.

The girls woke up at 4:30am for school and the light was switched on at 5am...there is no toilet paper in the bathroom so I will go out and buy some for myself tonight...there are no plugs for me to charge my things in so I will charge them at work today...I am tired and frustrated...but being able to see the boys from Cantonments makes it worth it all.

Honestly, I don't even find enjoyment at the orphanage anymore. Most of the older boys have either gone off to school or I have put into the group home. The older boys that are left there I am not supposed to speak to because there are suspicions of me having an affair with one of the older boys...why else would I make a group home for them? I still do get enjoyment from my toddlers and the younger boys but I could see them for a few hours a week and be fine. It is not the same as having the friendships with the older kids. Also, the younger boys only want to spend so much time with me and then they run off on their own, and the toddlers can't leave their house and sleep early so there is not much of a point there.

But what keeps me sane here is the boys from Cantonments. They are my best friends in Ghana that are just friends. There is nothing hard about being friends with them because their parents haven't emotionally damaged them to the point where they will get mad for no reason (that's how it is at the orphanage). So while I am still in love with the children at the orphanage and they are still my reason for coming back and doing what I do...they are no longer what allows me to survive in Ghana. I don't know how this all sounds to the outside viewer but to be frank at this point I am just being honest. I am so thankful for the boys at Cantonments.

On a happier note! Since I am back living near Osu I was able to go to Senior training today and see some good football as well as meet a very nice volunteer from Canada. Living closer is going to make me a lot happier. I will get used to the living situation, it is just my initial frustration with Osu Children's Home.

P.S. I am happy, I love Ghana, and I am happy I am here. This has just been a period of adjustment for me and anyone who knows me knows that my personality in general has a difficult time with change. So don't think I have lost my desire to be here or my passion for what I am doing.

So here is my new room, I tried to take a couple pictures to show you what it is like.

I have to Number my thoughts

#1 The Mormons that were here helping Helena to write the standards for orphanages took us to the La Palm Royal Hotel (one of the fanciest hotels in Ghana) for dinner on Friday night. When you are sitting at the outside restaurant next to the ocean and the night-lit pool, it is easy to forget that you are in Ghana. I was having flashbacks to when my parents came to see me two years ago and how difficult it was to try and juggle the luxury vs. poverty. But it was a nice break; I had a good full meal and got to enjoy an outdoor band next to the ocean for a few hours.

#2 I wish my nails didn’t grow here...it is a hassle to have to clip them

#3 I have started to figure out that my irrationality of being in Ghana takes over when I don’t have enough food in my stomach. I have seen a direct connection to my homesickness and my food intake. I haven’t been getting as much food as my body probably needs. Hopefully this will change once I am living on my own…speaking of which:

#4 I should be moving into the orphanage tonight! I still have my doubts because it is Ghana but I packed up all my things from Helena’s and brought them all with me. I am going to miss the company of having a family around when I get home from work but that will be replaced with the kids at the home, the boys from cantonments, reading, and hopefully new volunteer friends now that I am closer.

#5 This weekend was really laid back. I went to the home Sat. morning, then I went to see my old host family from when I was here in May, and then I went and watched a couple football matches at Cantonments. Those football boys continue to keep me sane. On Sunday I just stayed out in Adenta and visited the boys at the foster home and then we all went back to Helena’s to watch Ghana in the final match of the African Cup of Nations. Sadly, Egypt won…the mood in Ghana was very blue last night.

#6 Things with my work are good but I have my moments where I think I can’t handle all of it. Helena is in the process of making me a director of her NGO, All Hands on Deck for Africa, so that I can be more involved and then get it registered in the US to be able to apply for grants. I am really excited about this but at the same time I am torn. Right now it is important for my project to be able to get grants to continue, but my long-term plan is the desire to have a for-profit organization so that it remains sustainable and does not depend on the generosity of others. So I am struggling with the fact that now I am trying to get this registered as a non-profit. But at the same time I need to do what is best for the boys at this point in time.

#7 Kwabena Nimeche is no longer going to be a part of this project. This is the boy who is the youngest in the home and the brother of the oldest, Kwame Mensah. There has been a lot of thought put into this decision but at this point in time it is the best thing for him and the project. Kwame Mensah has been able to find a very good job in Ghana and so within the next year will be moving out of the group home to live on his own and since the point was to keep them together, Kwabena Nimeche would have to go with him. But Kwame Mensah will not be able to support him on his own and our project can’t at this time fund Kwabena while he is not living in the home. In addition, he has shown a lack of interest in the project and a desire to stay at Osu Children’s Home. Our project is not strong enough to work with kids who are not willing to participate. It makes me sad but at the same time I know that Osu Children’s Home will continue to care for him. And for those of you who are confused; the woman that we were originally trying to save them from was fired and our project has evolved with a new purpose. I will try and expand on this more later. There will be a new boy moving in to replace Kwabena and Helena and I will be discussing that over the next few weeks.

#8 The importance of this project is shown to me more and more every day. Helena and I had a long discussion about armed robbers the other night and their increasing presence in Ghana. These robbers break into houses and steal things and kill the residents. A pastor who was a close friend of Helena’s daughter was a victim of one of these robberies just last month. Helena was telling me that it is these kids in orphanages who have never been shown love that turn into these robbers. They have no concept of love and don’t care about anyone but themselves, they simply believe in survival of the fittest. She told me how the kids that were brought to the home later in life have a better chance of making it out ok but it is the children that have been there since they were toddlers that then have troubles after. It breaks my heart to think of Aquilly, Akwoko, Raymond, and Efia…my 4 toddlers who are still at the home...what does life have in store for them? But even after I have said this about the armed robbery I have to believe I am safe. I have been reading Psalm 91 multiple times a day hoping it applies to me. Yes, there are times when I am scared but I am careful and smart about the way I live here. So I will continue to pray without ceasing.

#9 I wish I was an excel expert…

#10 Sometimes I forget that I am the one making decisions. I have been writing down all of these questions/decisions that need to be answered/made and then I remember… these are all things I need to sit down, think about, and decide.

For Your Enjoyment

This morning we left Helena's house at 5:30am. On our drive in we were listening to the radio and they always do this "shout out" event where every morning you can text the radio station and they will read it out loud on the radio. This morning someone texted in "Happy Birthday to my sister Adjuwa, this year on her birthday I want to tell her that even though she walks through the valley of the shadow of death she shall fear no evil" what kind of happy birthday message is that?

Anyway this is not going to be very much writing, mostly the few pictures I have taken.

Some Pictures of my office, Helena and I share a desk:







UNICEF building for our meeting:



The Group of us in front of UNICEF after our meeting: Me with Helena (far right), two people from the church of latter day saints in assisting with the orphanage standards (the other two white people), and Helena's co-worker who also shares an office with us (far left):



This is how I wash my clothes, Ishmael washing his:



Asa (far left), me, and Charles (far left); these two boys make me so unbelievably happy, Asa's mother is an Auntie at Osu Children's Home but he also plays for Cantonments F/C with Charles:



Drodu with his new glasses!! No more headaches:



My current bed (not a very good picture):



Things found on my wall; the lizard was teeny tiny, the size of my thumb; there is my friendly spider the size of a yo-yo: