Hard Day

I am not sure if I have had a more discouraging morning since I have been here.

There is a new supervisor at the orphanage. The government moved Auntie Helena to a different area in Ghana. The new supervisor has decided that she doesn't think I am old enough or big enough to work with the older boys. She told me that she doesn't think that I am big enough to be respected. When I told her that I had been working with them for the past two months she laughed in my face and said that it must have been a mistake. I tried telling her that they do respect me and that I am nothing but a good influence on them but she didn't seem to believe me. I literally begged her to let me stay working with them and she told me that unless she talked to the boys and felt that they respected me that I was not allowed to talk with them. Even after talking with them she will have to think about it.

I can't even express how horrible I am feeling right now. Having someone tell me that I am too small to be respected is a terrible feeling. Especially when I know that the boys do respect me.

I found out yesterday that one of my toddlers Grace has AIDS. She is not being treated.

But even through all of this I have to believe that God is always good.

Someone was wondering what it would be like when I came home and wanted to know how I think I will handle it. I am not going to lie to myself and say that it will be easy. I know that I am going to struggle but I also know that I have people at home who love me and are going to be there to support me. Leaving these kids is going to be next to impossible but I know that I can get through it. I will be so thankful for a real bed and shower. I will be at loss of words and maybe a little frustrated that I can't explain all of this to everyone as well as I can remember it. I am scared to come home but I know that I will be back here at some point.

Even in my hardest moments here in Ghana I have people supporting me. One of my friends and I are going out to lunch today so that he can talk me through this. I am ok. Things will work out. I know that one of my favorite quotes is always true : Everything will be alright in the end; if it is not alright it is not the end.

Lack of Words

So I feel like I need to clarify. While having my parents and Lizz here was harder than I thought it would be it was still amazing and I am so thankful that they were able to come out here and see me. I think that writing that e-mail when I was tired made it sound as if I didn't appreciate them being here which is not true at all.

Being back with the kids has been great, just what I need. A week off really rejuvenated me and gave me a whole new energy. Missing those kids like I did when my parents were there made me regain patience.

The past two days were extremely hot but then last night it rained. No, not just rained, it poured!! I was actually scared by how much it was raining. It is funny how things that wouldn't scare you at home simply scare you because you are in a different place.

I wish I could explain how good everything is here. I feel like lately I have just been at lack of words, which is why I haven't been e-mailing as much. Is there anything you haven't heard about lately that you want to know more about?

Family Visits

I am sorry that it has been so long since I have written but I have been super busy with my family being in.

Having my parents and Lizz (a friend of mine for those of you who don't know) was good but very hard at the same time. I thought that it was going to be a really nice break and showering all the time combined with good quality time. Don't get me wrong there was showering and good quality time spent but a lot of hard things as well.

The jump between my routine and hotel life was very difficult.

The temperature changes to their toll on me- from air conditioning to 105 degree heat it made me feel a little sick.

Finally having a clean body but having to put on my same dirty clothes.

Finally getting western food but feeling sick after each meal because my stomach was not used to the change yet.

Having a nice bed to sleep in but still having the same cockroach dreams.

Being with my parents and Lizz but being in Ghana where I had a life that was put on hold.

It was also the first time I was taking a block of time off from the kids, they weren't too happy. I planned on taking Tuesday-Sunday off but ended up going in Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sat. It was too hard to be away from them....can't wait to come home!! :) haha I will be ok after a little bit

We planned on traveling a lot but ended up spending most of our time in Accra and Kokrobite (a beach 45 minutes outside of the city). Traveling was just too much for me. I will travel eventually but I felt overwhelmed by the idea of going all the way out to Cape Coast by tro tro with my parents.

Other random things I got to do while my parents were here:

souvenir shop
wash my clothes in the bathtub of the hotel
show off my tan to some pale obrunis
take a taxi most places (the tro tro's were hard to take with 4 people)
ride a horse down the beach
watch baseball at Champs (a local sports bar)
make a college decision----Northeastern University in Boston

There was a lot of card playing and a lot of winning (on my part). There was a lot of swimming in the pool and laughing. It was great to have my family out here. Today I am feeling more homesick than I have since I got here but I was expecting it. I had an empty house to go home to since my roommates were traveling. I am about to go to a football match to get out and about but I will write again soon. I am a little tired seeing as I have been up since 5am. Love you guys,

It Has Been Awhile

So I wrote an extremely long e-mail and then it just got deleted so I am going to try and remember all that I wanted to say.
Yesterday I took my housemates to the orphanage at night and I had a really hard time with it. After the initial excitement of all the kids seeing me they ignored me and only talked to my roommates. It sounds really selfish but I just want to explain it. I spend every day with these kids; morning until night. IT IS HARD and draining. I see the good bad and the ugly. I get hit, spit on, peed on, pooped on, and kicked.

I have to break up fights and take care of these kids when they are sick and snotting all over my clothing. I have to help them when they are crying non-stop or when they cut their foot on glass. These kids also get angry at me very often. They have such trust issues that the littlest thing can push them over the edge. If one of the boys wants to use my phone and I tell him to wait because my parents are about to call he takes it personally and won't talk to me.Then I get my housemates who get to come and only get the good side of them. They get to get loved on and hugged and then go home and not come back until they want. I stood there alone as the kids swarmed them and I do understand but it was so hard for me.

As I was leaving one of the boys Emmanuel walked up to me and grabbed my hand. He just looked at me and said, "Don't be sad that we weren't talking to you because we know that tomorrow morning you will be here to see us and they will not". That is all that I needed to hear and the funny thing was that I wasn't acting sad or angry. I was still smiling and laughing because no good comes of showing that you are upset when you’re around these kids. But he knew that inside I was feeling down.

I have been spending a lot of time at the pitch (the football field). The boys have been on a funny school schedule because they were finishing up their final exams and so they would take me to their school (next to the pitch) and introduce me to all of their friends. Seth always jokes around with me by saying everyone in Labodi (part of Accra I live in) knows Claire. I really have made a lot of friends here, which is a good feeling.

My friend David works at the pitch because he is a manager of a football club. His co-manager, Rama, has convinced me to play for their girls football team. I told him that I am very bad at football but he just laughed and said don't be embarrassed most of the girls are not very good and I'll teach you. He is a really nice guy but I don't think he realizes what he has just gotten himself into.

Leaving the orphanage for a full week is going to be hard. I am so excited for my parents and Lizz to come but it will be challenging to take that much time away from the kids. Everything else is good. I am not sure when I will write next because my family comes Sunday!!!!

Where I Need to Be

So I have been thinking lately about how strange it is here. I have developed a life here. I have my friends, places I hang out, and my own routine. It is such a good feeling to be so independent. You are forced to figure things out and if you don't then you just deal with it. I am loving it here and am learning a lot about myself.

I have been trying soooo hard to separate myself from the other volunteers because then it will be one less thing I have to say goodbye to but I can't do it anymore. I am just getting along with some of them so well. Whatever happens happens and I am not going to worry about the future and saying goodbye.

This is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I need to be doing something new and exciting. University is going to be focused on cultural studies and photography so that I can use that in some way to do this.

I don't have much else to say. Things are the same and that is good. I am growing and learning. I thought I knew a lot before I came here but I was wrong. 1 week until my parents come! I know that I made the right decision coming here. I am where I need to be for both myself and these children. I am ready for whatever life has in store for me.

Cut Knees and Urine Feet

I know that it has been quite awhile since I have written but I will shoot a short one out right now.

I love my two new roommates. They are both British and very down to earth. Their names are Hayley and Khadija. We really get along and I am a little nervous about getting a fourth roommate next week because right now things are sooo great. I am sure it will be good there is just that nervous tension before you meet them.

There have been a lot of new volunteers coming and I have been getting along with them a lot more than I did with the previous ones. Not that I didn't enjoy the other ones but these volunteers treat me as a peer vs. the youngest volunteer of the bunch. I have been spending some time with this volunteer named Charlotte and last night when we met up she walked up to me and started screaming. This whole time we have been hanging out she thought I was about 23 and she had just found out that I am 17. It was a pretty funny reaction and everyone was laughing pretty hard. It is a different dynamic with these new volunteers. A good dynamic though.

The orphanage is good. I have still been spending my days there. Yesterday I didn't have the best day. A little baby was standing over my feet in the morning and she let loose and urinated all over my feet (so attractive...the smell of urine). Then in the afternoon I was feeling pretty sick cause I hadn't been drinking enough water and so I went to go by a sachet from the little boys house. As I was walking back I fell down the stairs and face planted into the ground. I cut up me knees pretty badly. I walked back to where we were playing Monopoly and I had mud and blood all over my knees and I was too exhausted to bother cleaning them but one of the boys ran off and came back with some paper towels and cleaned my cuts for me (so sweet). This morning when I went in Moses was walking to school and he ran up to me to see how my knees were doing.

Other than that nothing is really new. Life is good. God is good. 1 Week until my parents and Lizz come. I can't wait!! I think I might be catching a cold from one of the toddlers.......I hope not!!! That's all for now.

You're Invited

Hello there,

So I am all alone with no housemates. Well.....until tonight.

This morning I went to the orphanage by myself without Claire and it was weird. She started there at the same time I did so it was strange to be going by myself with all the crazy little toddlers.

This morning they were actually fairly calm. I love the feeling of walking in the gates and having little children run at your legs grinning ear to ear. You know that you are wanted.

I helped one of the Aunties wash clothing this morning. She was laughing at me because I am a lot slower than her. There was something about scrubbing dirty clothes of little children that was very serene. It seems crazy but it was nice.

Oh yeah!!! It poured rain yesterday. I haven't seen it rain that hard since I was in El Salvador last summer. It was just sheets of water pouring from the sky. All the windows in my room were open so the layers of dust were then turned into layers of mud. Gross!

I got my room cleaned for the first time in six weeks today. My sleeping has been getting a lot better.

We have a new toddler at the toddler house. His name is Kofi. He cries too much.

The little boy Samuel that I told you about last week has been getting a lot better. He has made some friends with the boys and it is nice to see them treat him with respect.

The new thing for all of the boys to do is offer me their food. They always say..... You're invited. That basically means that I have to come and take at least one bite of food from their plate. They eat with their hands and my hands are always so dirty so I feel gross but I eat still because it is rude to decline.

I am loving every minute here. Still learning names but I think I probably have around 70-80 names down. I don't know how you teachers do it!!!!!!

I eat too much rice. This is all I have to say for now.