Easily Fooled

I have been in South Africa for almost two weeks now and it is completely different than anything I have ever experienced.

I was swept off my feet by the beauty of this country...and how easily I was fooled.

Cape Town is the most breathtaking city I have ever been in. In fact, it is so amazing that it manages to cover all the flaws and struggles of the people living here.

No where in the sunsets, ocean, mountains, Long street, music, or cute coastal shops do you see the blemishes.

No where in those things do you see the violence that tore and is tearing apart the lives of its citizens.

No where in those things do you see that out of the whole world, the largest population of people living with AIDS is here.

No where in these places do you see the townships and poverty of millions of colored and blacks that were second class citizens for decades.

Even the clothes worn outside the township act as a mask for the tin shack the person lives in back inside the township- sometimes without running water and electricity.

How easy it is to travel here and never see the truth and how lucky I am to be shown the real South Africa.

This is not the Dominican Republic where the racism sits on the surface of every aspect of life. It is not Ghana where the city still lacks visible infrastructure like closed sewers.

No, not here. In South Africa it is all separated...poverty from the wealth and beauty. Then again...that's how it was planned.

While they may have come a long way, the word apartheid has never been more real to me...separated.

Yes I know, I am in the Dominican Republic...not Ghana

Today we drove 6 hours to the border of Haiti. It is now 10 hours later and I am still speechless.

I sat in our bus gazing out the windows, unable to say a word. Right in front of me stood the mountain that separated the Dominican Republic from Haiti. Everything I had read about became reality.

The 500 yards approaching the border are completely barren. There is a skinny path of gravel for vehicles to drive on but surrounding the path are once homes now completely flooded. Only the roof-tops are visible, peaking out of the water.

Once at the border there are two gates. The first gate you step through takes you to no-mans land. The second gate crosses you into Haiti. There is a market that stands between the two gates. Once you enter no-mans land you are in a completely anarchic existence where no one can protect you.

We were warned of the risk and danger that we would be putting ourselves in if we chose to enter no-mans land but were given the choice to decide. For those of us interested in crossing into no-mans land we would be given one armed Dominican police officer with no official authority once between the two gates.

I chose to cross through into no-mans land. I needed to feel the fear that these people feel everyday.

While Haiti is not no-mans land, the level of security seems relatively the same. Imagine living in a failed state...one where not even the police can protect you; living in a city where 450 gangsters roam the streets due to a collapsed prison.

I did not even spend 10 seconds in no-mans land before turning back and heading for the bus. My heart was in my throat.

I was able to get back on the bus, turn around, and drive away from that insecurity. I get to leave these places whenever I choose. But every time I leave, I know that I leave people behind that are trapped there.

Nothing can explain standing in front of the border, knowing that right through the second gate there is a place so forsaken it seems hopeless.

Haiti was in arms reach of me today but I was not able to do anything. I drove away from the faces of Haitians that are all too similar to those faces of Ghanaians reminding me that they were never supposed to be there to begin with...they were forced.

It is not fair.


Jimani is where we were.

A Blessing

May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen

1,095 Days Later

It was 3 years ago today that I first left for Ghana.

Due to some complications I am not back in Ghana as originally planned. I am still searching for the reason why. I have been needing to write lately but haven't done it and I thought this would be as good of a time as any.

Lately it has been easier not to talk about Ghana. Because when I finally do, it seems like too much to handle.

My heart reaches emotional capacity and all my feelings of love, anger, frustration, joy, and sadness seem to surface. The lump in my throat returns and I know that I could sit and cry for hours if I allowed myself to.

But they wouldn't be tears of sadness. They would be tears of fear, anxiety, determination, passion, and love.

I see what I want to become and I am running towards that but there are times when it seems just out of reach...I never have been much of a runner.

Is it possible that I am too selfish of a person to become who I want to be?

I don't want to just leave a dent, I want to change the world. A dent is not enough, a dent means that I did not try hard enough, that I was too selfish.

I am reading "Mountains Beyond Mountains" right now about Paul Farmer and there are so many things that I relate to. I want to jump through the pages of the book and ask Dr. Farmer, "Wait! How did you get past that? How do you deal with that? How did you make that decision?!" I read that he struggled with some of the same things that I am struggling with, but it doesn't explain how he got past those things, they are just little blurbs in the midst of his successes.

But even though I don't have those answers, I am encouraged, because I know that I am not the first one to feel this way, and I certainly will not be the last. I will overcome these struggles.

I will strive to be selfless. I am striving to be selfless.